


Another Man's Poison

by kribban



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Blanket Permission, Dubious Science, F/M, Friendship, Fuck Or Die, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past McCoy/Chekov, Podfic Welcome, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:46:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25919056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kribban/pseuds/kribban
Summary: One year after defeating Nero, Jim Kirk is faced with a new difficult challenge. He must physically and emotionally satisfy each member of the bridge crew in order to save their lives. In other words, they must fuck or die.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Hikaru Sulu, James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk/Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, James T. Kirk/Nyota Uhura, James T. Kirk/Spock, Pavel Chekov/James T. Kirk
Comments: 113
Kudos: 252
Collections: WIP Big Bang 2020





	1. The Reluctant Rescued

**Author's Note:**

> In loving memory of the 2009 Star Trek XI kink meme.

They all stood at attention until the transporter had vanished their guests, leaving nothing behind but a sense of bewilderment.

No one spoke.

Jim automatically started pulling on the collar of his dress uniform. God, he hated this thing, he couldn’t wait to take it off.

”They’ve got to be kidding us, right?” 

It was Bones who had spoken and he sounded furious.

Sulu ground his jaws together. ”If they were, it’s not very funny.”

”Doctor,” Spock said evenly, and Jim hated that he sounded so calm. ”It would be prudent to verify the Kogolian ambassador’s claims before we draw any conclusions. After all, we don't know if all of us are susceptible in the same way that the Kogolians are.” He paused and tilted his head. “Doctor, are you listening?”

A shudder ran through Bones and he snapped to attention like he hadn't heard Spock at all until now. He ran a hand over his eyes and nodded. 

“Everyone to Sickbay. Now.”

One by one, they silently fell into a single line, making the trek to the Enterprise's Sickbay in silence. Jim's mind was reeling.

The Diplomatic corps had been enthusiastic about further negotiations with the Kogolians. They were a peaceful and technologically advanced people, probably uninterested in the strategic advantages that membership with the Federation would bring, but nonetheless open to exchanging knowledge and information.

 _Just a milk run_ , Admiral Cornell had told him. _Just play nice and put your best foot forward and the Diplomatic Corps will be satisfied._

Jim wanted to hit someone. Preferably a member of the Diplomatic Corps.

When they reached Sickbay, Bones ordered everyone out except for a stunned Christine Chapel, whom he ordered – no, whom he asked nicely – to draw everyone's blood.

Spock's was green. Everyone else's was red. 

Then there was the brain scan. Well, more like the full body scan, and Jim couldn't help but throw little glances Bones' way as the others lay down, one after the other. 

“It will take a while to... to... Goddamnit,” Bones said after everyone had been scanned, himself included. “I'll have an answer for you in a couple of hours.”

Uhura made a choked little moan and looked unhappy.

“We'll have time, right?” Jim said with forced cheer. “I mean... He said seventy-two hours. That will be more than enough time for you to come up with a solution, right?” He grabbed Bones' arm and stared him straight in the face. “Right?”

Bones' eyes shifted and he shrugged Jim's arm off. “With the Captain's permission, I suggest everyone return to their quarters for rest. I'll let the Captain know as soon as I have an answer.”

Six pairs of eyes turned to him and Jim coughed. “Yes, uhm. You're relieved until further notice. Take care of yourselves,” he added a little hesitantly but didn't receive as much as a smile in return.

Jesus Christ.

“Jesus Christ, Bones,” Jim breathed when Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty, and Chekov had all left. He was desperate for some encouragement or even comfort from his best friend.

Bones couldn't even look at him. He clenched his jaw, studying his PADD intently. “Jim, you'd better leave too. I've got to focus on this.”

Jim's hand stopped on its way to Bones' shoulder. He let out a sigh and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. “Sure thing, Bones.”

God, how could he have been this stupid?

The Kogolians had sent a small party of what was said to be their foremost representatives, including the Head Priest and Priestess. 

Jim had been kind of nervous about that; experience had taught him that alien religions varied between “Live your best inner life” and “Kill all infidels”, but he had been immediately comforted when he had met Priest and Priestess Lo'Chomli. They were a bonded couple and gave off a seriously mellow vibe, expressing interest when he had explained the Prime Directive and the underlying principles of the Federation. The Kogolian society would be more than willing to explain their technological achievements to a people who shared their peaceful philosophy, they said, and they had looked at his interactions with his crew with approval.

That really should have been the first warning sign...

At the end of the two-day visit, the Lo'Chomlis has invited him to bring his closest officers to a sacred toast in their quarters. Jim had been flying high on the success of the negotiations and he hadn't even thought twice before agreeing. A sacred toast sounded like Christian Communion back on Earth, and sure, it might technically be infringing on the personal religious practices of Starfleet personnel to ask them to participate, but he knew his crew by now, and they were all willing to go that extra mile to further diplomatic relations. 

He had exactly zero problems selecting the officers he was closest to. Bones was a given, Scotty, too, considering the adventure they had had together. Although Sulu was a bit secretive, he had saved his life, and Jim had saved his. Chekov had saved them both, plus Jim felt a bit protective of the youngest officer on the bridge. Spock and he had that whole “destined friendship” together, and Uhura... Well, he and Uhura had come off to a rocky start, but he had quickly grown to depend on her expertise in linguistics. And, yeah, he felt a bit guilty over how much he'd tried to get into her pants and wanted to make up for it.

It was a bitter irony that his intention to show his appreciation for his crew had let to just the opposite. But he couldn't have known. It had just been a sip of liquid, an incantation, and a shared meditation exercise, and... 

Jim sat up straight on the bed. He was already beginning to hyperventilate when the soft chirp of his communicator shook him out of his despair-spiral. 

He flipped it open. “Kirk here.”

“You'd better get down here, Jim. And bring the others,” Bones was saying grimly. “I'm afraid I struck out.”

You could cut the tension in Sickbay with a knife. The seven of them, plus Christine Chapel, were standing in the main exam room, all looking like they had been struck.

“You're absolutely sure, Doctor?” Hikaru was saying, voice strong and full of barely contained anger. He was pissed off, even though his training made him hide it. Jim had seen that anger before, on top of the drill over Vulcan, and he never, ever wanted it directed at him.

Bones sighed. “It's a mild form of psychotropic poisoning, aided by a guided susception; something akin to poison-enhanced brainwashing. I'm sure it comes off as magic to the Kogolians, but there's nothing supernatural about it. Problem is, the substance will deteriorate rapidly if the conditioning is not resolved within the set time-frame, and the side-effects could very well be fatal.”

“Could be?” Jim said hopefully, clinging to whatever way out of this situation he could find.

Bones sighed again and turned to look at him. “There's really no way of knowing, seeing as I'm unfamiliar with this subset of psychoactive drugs, but as my conservative estimate, I'd say there's a sixty to seventy percent risk of permanent brain damage. Anything between a five and twenty-five percent risk of death. Of course,” he added, looking pissed as hell, “We have only the Ambassador's word that letting the conditioning play out will neutralize the poison.”

“And that means?” Sulu asked, arms crossed.

“To engage in sexual intercourse with the Captain, Lieutenant,” Spock answered evenly.

They'd all heard it before but it seemed like this was the time when it finally sunk in. 

“Oh,” Chekov said faintly and Jim felt the desperate urge to break something with his bare hands. 

“Can't you do something, Mr. Spock? Surely, your Vulcan mind training might come in handy?” Scotty's voice was awfully cheerful, the voice of a man looking for the last straw and thinking he'd found it. 

Spock stiffened slightly. “While it is true that Vulcan mental discipline can be used to remove unwanted conditioning, such an endeavor would take a considerable amount of time, and quite possibly, the aid of another skilled practitioner. Considering our current – ”

“He knows it won't work because he already tried it on me,” Uhura said sharply and tore her eyes away from the wall to glare at Scotty. “Did you really think we wouldn't try?”

Jim wasn't surprised. Spock would do everything to protect Uhura. Of course he would try to protect her from having sex she didn't want with someone she didn't want it with. If he were human, he would also be jealous at the thought of his partner having sex with someone else; unless he was one of a strangely high percentage of Earth men who were into that. Thank God, he wasn't human, but Uhura was, and... and...

Jim had been so caught up with trying not to think about sex with Uhura that he'd forgotten all about having sex with Spock too.

“So basically, they're hippies,” Sulu was addressing Bones now and Jim had to steer his mind back on track to follow the conversation. “Believing in free love and all that nonsense.” 

“I wouldn't go that far, Mr. Sulu,” Bones muttered. “From what I can understand of the materials I was so kindly handed after we'd all been poisoned, this ritual is only performed once, to strengthen a team's bond with their leader, and with each other. Some kind of telepathic mumbo jumbo about feeling each other's feelings.” 

Sulu looked a little less clenched now that he was allowing his anger free range. “Some of us have relationships! Didn't they think about that? These people observed this crew over the last two days, they saw how well we work together. Do they really think that's going to improve if we use the same scratching post?”

“Hey,” Jim offered weakly, feeling more than a little offended. “S'not like this was my idea.” 

For the briefest moment, Jim was treated to a preview of what it would be like to bear the full brunt of Sulu's anger before the Lieutenant's eyes were once again veiled behind that mask of professionalism he wore so well.

“I'm sorry Captain, that was out of line. It's well within your right to reprimand me.” 

“It's all right, Lieutenant, we're all feeling stressed out.” Jim tried for a smile that he wasn't sure worked all that well.

“No one's saying it's your fault, Jim, but it is your call.” Bones said gruffly. “How do we proceed?” 

All eyes turned to him, and Jim wanted to hide somewhere, but Bones was right. His ship and crew were his responsibility and he was damn well going to act like it. 

He took a step forward and threw out his arms, as casually and inviting as he could. “I volunteer my services. I will not issue an order, but...” The thought of any of them suffering brain injury, or worse, made him sick to his stomach and he stuttered a little as he spoke the next few words. “You're all fine officers and I'd hate to let anything happen to you.” 

That was it, what was supposed to be the proudest moment of his Captaincy. Jim Kirk offering up his body to save his crew – his friends – and the response was dead silence. 

“Well, I do not wish to die,” Chekov said finally after a full minute had passed. “Doctor, do the Kogolians specify how we must proceed with the Keptin?” 

It hadn't passed Jim by that Chekov was deliberately avoiding looking at Bones. 

“Yeah, the physical specs are pretty straight forward. Penetrative sex to orgasm; for both parties. No barrier is allowed. There's no specification on who should be penetrating whom, so at least there's some leeway in that.”

A small, angry noise escaped from Uhura and she crossed her arms.

“Sorry, Lieutenant,” Bones said with a pained expression on his face. “I guess you get the short end of the stick on this one. At least with the technology at our disposal, we can eliminate the risk of pregnancy or infection.”

This was horrible.

Jim was a help-you-get-to-yes kind of guy. He'd put the moves on anyone he fancied and would gladly present the case for why sex with him was an opportunity that shouldn't be passed up, but once it was clear that the other person wasn't into him, that was it. He only liked sex with people who didn't consider having sex with him a worst-case scenario to be endured. 

It was impossible to look away from Uhura even though he felt like he should. Her beautiful features were sharp; eyes dark, jaws clenched, and she was breathing so fast that he worried she was going to pass out.

“Yeah, I had all my shots,” he tried weakly and looked to his best friend for comfort. “Right, Doctor?”

Bones nodded. “I'll perform a full medical exam on each of you in advance. It will only take a few minutes, and obviously, I'll be available to answer any... any medical questions you may have.”

“I may have to take you up on that offer, Doc,” Scotty said weakly and shrugged when he saw the others looking at him. “I don't want to die, either, and if the Captain is generous enough to offer, I'll gladly accept his help.”

It was as if Scotty's admission loosened something in the others, and Uhura nodded stoically. “I, too, accept the Captain's offer,” she said flatly. “And I trust that once this is over, we will never discuss it again.”

Jim didn't have to hear Spock's reply to know what it would be. To risk death or injury instead of performing a simple physical act would not be logical, and to Jim that was almost worse than Uhura gritting and bearing it.

He was pleased when he saw Spock place his hand on Uhura's shoulder and squeeze it lightly. The two of them would be okay after this, and he was glad because that's the one consequence he thought would be hardest to live with. 

“I'll have to make a call,” Sulu said grimly and that just left one person.

“We're old friends, aren't we, Bones?” Jim said lightly, almost unable to breathe. 

Bones rolled his eyes. “I'm sure I can handle anything you throw at me, kid,” he muttered and the stone in Jim's chest dissolved. He cared about all of them, yes, but somehow, it was the thought of Bones dead or maimed that was the heaviest one to bear. 

“Doctor, you said the physical specifications were straight forward. What other specifications are there?” 

Spock was looking expectantly at Bones and Jim realized he'd been so caught up with the idea of having sex with his friends that he had completely forgotten that there was more to this bizarre situation.

“Apparently, the poison facilitates some kind of surface telepathic connection where the participants share their feelings,” Bones said sarcastically. “It's not permanent from what I can tell, thank God, but the conditioning won't be resolved unless both participants have a satisfying emotional exchange. Jim's job as the chosen focal point is to facilitate this.”

A series of images came to Jim's mind:

Fucking Uhura while she glared angrily at him.  
Fucking Chekov who cried through the whole thing.  
Spock, coldly observing him while Jim tried to make him come.  
Sulu, threatening to kill Jim afterward if Jim didn't make him happy.

Jim let out a nervous laugh, somehow even angrier at the Kogolians than he'd been a minute ago.

He could sail through sex in his sleep, not good sex, perhaps, but at least the kind that wouldn't leave anyone injured or traumatized afterward. But make everyone happy? Even though none of his friends actually wanted to have sex with him but were being forced to do it by a savage, harmony-thirsty bunch of hippies? 

“Facilitate?” He stuck his finger in his ear and wiggled it like he was having trouble hearing. “What the hell does that even mean?”

Bones raised an eyebrow. “In Earth terms: lovemaking. Think you can do that, loverboy?”


	2. The Worried Soul

The best way to deal with alien-mandated sex with your crew? Making a schedule. 

Spock handled it. He put Scotty first, McCoy last, and everyone else somewhere in between, with sufficient rest and recovery time for Jim in between bouts of fucking.

He also arranged for everyone's replacement to relieve them during the, ahem, _crucial_ hours and promised to write a classified report for Starfleet that Jim would just have to sign when all of this was over.

Jim knew he often gave Spock flak for being unemotional, but it sure was a relief not to have to deal with any of this. Spock was both efficient and discreet and that was probably a factor in how important their friendship had been. Was. Was going to be. Shit, the alternate timelines-thing was making Jim's head hurt again. 

Everyone had their physicals. 

If Bones doled out any sex-advice, he didn't tell Jim, but he did inform everyone that Jim was not only free from sexually transmitted diseases but that his contraceptive implant was operating perfectly.

He had offered Jim ED-relief, privately, of course, but Jim had laughed it off. Getting laid six times in three days was nothing, and Bones should know, having roomed with him at the Academy.

And so, it was time. 

Showered and dressed in civvies, Jim stood outside Scotty's quarters and rang the chime precisely on schedule.

The door immediately opened as if Scotty had known he was there and Jim almost did a double-take. 

His Chief Engineer was dressed in a loose-fitting maroon jumper and leather pants that were anything _but_ loose-fitting. His hair was gelled back and he was wearing wire-rimmed glasses; a fashion accessory, because all common visual impairments were corrected surgically. Jim could smell cologne when he stepped into the room. It was a scent he had never associated with Scotty before. 

“Come in,” Scotty said in a voice that was somehow different than how he usually sounded; much less cheerful, but not tense either. “I've prepared some snacks. Scotch and soda?”

Jim felt instantly at ease. Hopefully, what they had to do wouldn't be too awkward. 

He shrugged off his jacket and let himself be led into the small living space. A two-seater was in the corner and a Starfleet-issue folding table had been set up in front of it, covered in small bowls with even smaller forks laid out next to them. Jim took a seat on the couch. 

“Why, Scotty. I thought drinking scotch anything but neat was a sacrilege.”

“Aye, but I've learned to make an exception for Americans.” Scotty appeared with two tumblers of which he handed one to Jim before he took the seat next to him.

“Cornichons, cocktail sausages, oatcakes, and cheddar cheese,” he said and indicated his little buffet. “I'd figured we'd chit-chat first, get that emotional connection building, and then I'll let you take the reins, eh?”

Jim blinked a few times in quick succession. “Eager to get on with this, are we?” 

Scotty looked startled. “I'm sorry, I've – I didn' mean to--”

“It's all right,” Jim laughed and found it easy and natural to pat Scotty's knee. “I know I'm not your first pick.”

“Well, no, I prefer my partners to be female, but that's not why...” Scotty frowned. “I'm actually working on something, and I sort of want to get back to it as soon as possible.”

That was an excellent opening. 

Jim took a sip of his drink and reached for a cornichon that he bit in half. The taste was salty and sour, just as though it had been a real vegetable instead of molecules molded into cornichon-shape. 

“What are you working on?”

Scotty eyed him warily. “Are you asking in an official or an unofficial capacity, Sir? 'Cause I have an answer for each contingency.” 

“Unofficial, and call me Jim. At least tonight.”

“All right then,” Scotty said and took a sip of his scotch as though he needed the comfort. “It's nothing illicit, you see. It's just... Well, I've been trying to reverse engineer the equation that Mr. Spock gave me, the other Mr. Spock, I mean. The one from the future. And I...” he winced as though the thought gave him great distress. “I don't see how I could've written it.”

“Well,” Jim said softly. “You wrote it thirty years from now – will write it, I mean. You'll have a lot more experience by then.”

Scotty groaned and leaned back on the couch. “That's just the point, you see. Now that I've already got it, I won't ever write it.” He sat up straight and pointed his whole hand at Jim. “Do you know what the grandfather paradox is, Jim?” 

“Yeah, you can't kill your grandfather because then you'll never exist to kill your grandfather. But Scotty, Spock said – the _other_ Spock – he said his timeline is separate from ours, an alternate universe if you will, and remains unaffected by the choices we make in this one. So it won't matter if you'll never write the Transwarp beaming equation. The Scotty in the other timeline already did.”

“I know, I know, but that's not the point, Jim!” Scotty groaned again and downed the rest of his drink. 

“Then what is the point, Scotty?” Jim said patiently. He had put his glass down and started rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on Scotty's knee. “Tell me what's bothering you.”

Scotty buried his face in his hands. “What bothers me is that I'm a fraud.”

Of all the things Scotty could have said, Jim hadn't even imagined this one. He turned a little so that he was facing his Chief Engineer on the small two-seater. “You're not a fraud, Scotty! How can you even say that? You saved this ship and everyone on it by getting us away from that anomaly.”

“A third-year Engineering cadet could've done that.” Scotty's voice was muffled and Jim gently pried his hands away from his face. 

Scotty refused to meet his gaze. “Couldn't even do a full year of service without fucking my whole career up. Was never going to amount to anything, exiled on that rock, cut off from any chance of advancing in my field. And when I'm finally saved it's by a Deus Ex Machina from the future who tells me all about the great things a better version of me has already accomplished.” 

He made a sound that was half-moan, half-sob and tried to tear out of Jim's grasp, but Jim's grip on his hands was too strong.

“Listen, Scotty – Montgomery. I know the feeling, all right? The other Spock didn't mean to, but when he joined our minds, I saw a lot of things about the other Kirk. How brilliant he was, how many impossible situations he got his crew out of. Hell, how respected he was by the Admiralty. I haven't done any of those things yet, and to be honest, I'm not sure I will.”

He leaned in a little, hoping that the sheer weight of his presence would make Scotty look at him. 

“That doesn't mean I'm a fraud,” he said softly when Scotty finally met his gaze. “It just means I'm a different man, with my own past and my own future. Genetically, we're the same, the other Jim Kirk and I, but my life is my own.”

“Your life is yours,” he said firmly. “And I wouldn't have anyone else as my Chief Engineer. You're brilliant in your field and you're pragmatic enough to be resourceful when it really counts. So what if you didn't write that equation? You'll write something else. Something even more important.”

Scotty blinked a few times and then he sighed, sinking down a little on the couch and going limp in Jim's hands. “Perhaps you're right, Jim.” 

“I'm always right,” Jim said softly and leaned forward until he was close enough to smell Scotty's breath. When there was no flinch, he let go of Scotty's hands and pressed a chaste kiss to the other man's lips. 

Scotty didn't moan or kiss back, but there was a glint of something in his eye when Jim pulled away. Curiosity. He could work with that. “Any ideas on how you want to do this?”

“No,“ Scotty said quickly. “I figured you'd know what to do, what with your vast experience and all.” His eyes widened as though he'd just realized what he had said. “I don't mean... That didn't come out right.”

Jim laughed and kissed him again, parting his lips this time and urging Scotty to do the same. “No, you're right, I do have plenty of experience,” he said as he pulled away and cocked his head. “Got a preference?”

“Honestly, Captain, I'd kinda figured I'd let you do it. Might be easier and all, given how I'm out of my depth. The Doctor gave me all sorts of advice and, eh, equipment.“ Scotty wrinkled his nose in a really adorable way and Jim realized he had never thought of Scotty as adorable before. Trustworthy, sympathetic, handsome, but not adorable. 

“Cleared the deck, so to speak. I'm good and ready for being boarded.”

Jim stifled a laugh and put both hands on the other man's waist, slipping under the fabric to touch skin. “Good to know. I'll try to make as smooth a landing as possible.”

Hopefully, he wasn't promising too much. He'd been with a few virgins before, and some guys who were so deep in the closet they hadn't even admitted it to themselves, but an honest-to-God heterosexual? That was something brand new. 

He rested his hands on Scotty's waist while going for some tried-and-true tongue action that always got underwear wet or tight, depending on the wearer. Jim took the opportunity to move one hand to the front of Scotty's crotch which finally got him that moan he'd been angling for. 

“Come on,” he said, taking Scotty by the hand and pulling him over to the bed. “Let's get you undressed.”

He pulled the jumper over Scotty's head and hung it over the back of the desk chair. The pants had a button fly and Jim had a flashback of the jeans he'd worn throughout most of his childhood. The leather was real, not synthesized, and from the way they hugged Scotty's ass and thighs perfectly it was obvious they had been tailormade.

“You got these made on Earth?”

Scotty just nodded in reply and Jim could see why. Exposed to the chill of the room, the skin not covered by his regulation underwear was knotting, and what _was_ covered... Well, Scotty had nothing to be ashamed of. 

“Computer, raise the temperature by five degrees,” Jim said and sank to his knees. Without leaving Scotty any time to protest, he started nuzzling the cock through the thin layer of cotton. The fabric was already moist with perspiration and pre-come. Jim knew that because there was a slightly acidic taste that he found deliciously familiar. But then again, he'd never performed oral that he hadn't enjoyed. 

He tugged the boxers down over Scotty's hips and sucked his cock for a good two minutes. Scotty must have at least considered that this could happen, because the area under his foreskin was clean, and that thought sent a flash of fondness through Jim.

Scotty was gentle with him, too, holding Jim's head in the softest grip and doing his best to keep still. Why, Mr. Scott, you're quite the catch, Jim thought, and a surge of embarrassment suddenly went through him, embarrassment that clearly wasn't his own. Jim immediately moved away.

“Wait, did you –?”

Scotty blushed all over and he tried stepping back, embarrassed, not unwilling, but Jim took a careful hold of his knees and held them still. 

“Scotty,” he said slowly, “It's working.”

Recognition dawned on Scotty's face and he reached for Jim's shoulder again, fingers digging into Jim's skin. “I've never felt like a catch before. My last relationship was almost a decade ago, and it's been hard trying not to feel like damaged goods.” 

Jim sat back on his heels and licked a bead of Scotty's pre-come from his upper lip. “Is there someone you've got your eyes on?”

Scotty swallowed thickly and gave a little shrug. “Lieutenant Romaine's been working real close with me lately. She's a brilliant woman, has a highly adaptive mind, and a real strength of character.”

“She's also a beauty,” Jim added and gave a little wink. “You're sweet on her, I take it? Does she notice?”

Without waiting for Scotty's reply, he dove back in and sucked the tip of Scotty's cock into his mouth. He tried to focus on what little he knew of Mira Romaine; brown hair, thick thighs, short legs. Pearly white teeth... He gently scraped the underside of Scotty's glans and the grip on his shoulder tightened. 

“We'd better get on with it,” Jim said as he pulled away for the final time. “You're not supposed to come without my cock inside you.” 

He felt a flash of surprise that wasn't his own; Scotty's surprise at finding that prospect hot. Jim took Scotty's hand and led him off to the bunk. A tube of surgical lube had been placed on the nightstand next to a pile of folded hand towels and a box of wet wipes. 

“Gotta love Bones,” Jim muttered and shed his own clothes quickly. 

Scotty sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap. His erection had faded a bit, lack of stimulation rather than loss of arousal, but Jim could feel how out of his element Scotty was, and he hated that feeling. 

Thoughts were the easiest way to conjure up emotion, so Jim thought about the hundreds of times he had done this, with men, women, and aliens of unspecified sex; how awesome and easy it had felt, and how satisfied they'd all been afterward.

The corner of Scotty's mouth lifted. “Just give me directions, Jim. I really don't know what to do.”

“Don't feel bad, it was bound to happen eventually,” Jim said with a grin and tried to conjure up how awed he was by Scotty's brilliance. He threw the tube of lube up in the air and caught it a few times like he was playing for time.

“There are a couple of options. From the side, from behind, legs around my waist, straddling me. The last one requires you to do most of the work and I'm not sure you're up for that.” 

“Definitely not,” Scotty grimaced and Jim tried not to take it personally. “Which position is your favorite?”

That was a complicated question and the answer depended on a multitude of factors, but Jim decided to keep it simple. 

“I'm a spooning kind of guy,” he admitted and knelt next to Scotty on the bed to kiss him again.

He'd been with a few guys who didn't like to get kissed by someone who had just sucked their cock, those had been the closeted ones or the assholes, but Scotty just sighed and opened his mouth. Definitely a catch, Jim thought.

“You like spooning, Scotty?” 

A gentle push made Scotty lie down and Jim crawled over his legs to lie behind him, chest to Scotty's back, knee between Scotty's thighs. He reached around and started tugging Scotty's cock lightly, gentle strokes to get its full attention again.

“Yeah, I like it,” Scotty said roughly, “Don't know if Lieutenant Romaine would be into it.”

“I bet she would, Scotty. I bet she'd love to be held by a man as strong and safe as you. What woman wouldn't?” Jim licked the back of Scotty's ear and paused to nibble the earlobe. 

The tube of lube was still in his hand and he flipped the cap with one hand. It was a skill he'd learned as a teenager. “Why don't you tell me what _your_ favorite position is while I take care of you, huh?”

His own cock was hard against his stomach, not surprising, really. Jim liked sex. All kinds, all the time, but he realized with a jolt that it wasn't just the prospect of getting off that had him hard. 

He actually found his Chief Engineer attractive. 

Scotty's body was the old-school kind of worker's body; broad-shouldered and with muscle that was functional rather than purely aesthetic. His family had probably been working the shipyards for centuries before space flight became a reality.

Jim let go of Scotty's cock for the length of time it took to squirt a generous amount of lube in his palm and throw the tube away. “How do you want to fuck Mira, Scotty? Come on, you can tell me.”

“I really like it when...” Scotty's breath hitched when Jim circled a cold, slick finger around his hole. “When the lady is on top.”

“Yeah?” Jim smiled against Scotty's neck and slipped the finger in up to the first knuckle. There was a little resistance but the fifteen-second rule had worked just as well as it always did. After a while, the external ring of muscle loosened enough for Jim's finger to slip in all the way. Which was great. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Scotty. “You want to be ridden like a stallion. Or a bull.”

Scotty shifted his head on the pillow like he was pondering something. “Never did this before, not even once. I'm not interested in anyone's arse, whether it's my own or a lady's. But it's certainly intriguing, I'll say that much.”

Well, Jim would take the compliment. He reached for Scotty's cock again and started stroking it with more purpose now while sliding a second finger into Scotty's ass. 

“Tell me more about Mira, Scotty. Tell me why you want her to ride you.”

“Urgh, well,” Scotty sounded adorably flustered. “Not much to say, really. I like looking at a woman. I like being looked at by a woman, seeing the way she wants me. Having my hands free.”

“Uh-huh,” Jim nibbled Scotty's neck and reached for the tube again. “So you can touch her tits, right? Does she have great tits, Scotty?”

Scotty let out a groan. “They're a nice handful, yeah. Not that I've – but through her uniform I can tell they're great. Not too heavy, round and firm. Perky nipples.”

“God, I love perky nipples,” Jim said breathily and lined up his slicked-up cock against Scotty's asshole. “Tell me if I hurt you, 'kay?”

Scotty didn't so much as gasp when he was entered, but he went perfectly still like he was bracing himself. Jim took a firm hold of Scotty's cock again and rubbed his thumb over the head, over and over.

He couldn't sense any fear or pain, but there was a growing discomfort in the pit of his stomach that reminded Jim of a small boat lost on alien waters. He nibbled Scotty's ear again and searched his memory for occasions when he had been ridden hard by a horny woman. There were quite a few of those memories and among them, an old fantasy appeared. An often-revisited fantasy. Jim shook his head, trying to dispel the image.

“Does she get really into it? In your fantasy?”

“Yeah, she does,” Scotty let out a sharp breath as Jim's hips rolled slowly. “She keeps sinking down on her knees to take me deeper. She's in control of the whole situation, really.”

Much like Jim was in control of the situation now. 

“Mmm, you like that?” Jim asked breathlessly, rolling his hips again, daring to thrust a little harder until his balls were pressed against Scotty's asscheeks. “You like it when a woman takes control of you, don't you?”

He didn't have to wait for Scotty's answer to know it. His desire was like a thick wall to smack your face into, and Jim leaned into it, into how badly Scotty wanted to be wanted by a strong, passionate woman. If diplomatic relations weren't what they were, he'd probably try to date Klingon females. He mentioned that to Scotty in an effort to lighten the mood.

“Aw, you have to give me credit, Jim! I'm not that self-destructive!” Scotty sounded offended and Jim laughed, burying his face in the crook of Scotty's neck. 

“See? You're a smart guy, Scotty.”

The empathic bond was obviously getting stronger. Jim had read Scotty's service record, knew all of his achievements during and before Starfleet. “Winner of the Akintola prize at eleven, huh? No one had ever done that before you came along.”

A wave of emotion came over Jim, not what young Scotty had felt at winning, but the euphoria that had come over him when he had finished putting together the engine that had won him the prize.

It was strange; Jim couldn't read Scotty's thoughts, and yet he could infer what Scotty was feeling emotional about. 

He pushed that emotion back towards Scotty and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck as he started fucking with shallow thrusts. 

In, out, in, out. 

Not a race to completion but a leisurely stroll. “That's you, Scotty. Still you. Still that brilliant. Still that imaginative.”

“I suppose you're right, Cap- Jim,” Scotty said, a little breathlessly. There was a flare of pleasure. “That was good, could you do that again maybe?”

“Yes, Sir,” Jim grinned and tried to repeat the move that had generated the pleasure. “Bones told you about the sexual properties of the prostate, didn't he?” 

“In a – ah!” Scotty arched his back, pushing his ass into Jim's groin, voluntarily or involuntarily, Jim couldn't tell. “In a very theoretical sort of way. The demonstration is much more educational.”

“The demonstrations always are.” Jim raked his teeth along the back of Scotty's neck, mimicking what he'd done to his cock a few minutes ago. “There's a world of pleasure out there and a hell of a lot of beautiful women to experience it with. I'm partial to Denobulan ladies myself, but Lieutenant Romaine is a fine specimen.”

He worked Scotty's dick with his hand, pumping his hips. “You first, Scotty. Come on.”

It was... weird. Definitely weird.

Jim felt Scotty's orgasm a whole second before his hand was coated in come. The pleasure was so close it felt like he was the one who was coming, and then he was, gasping and shuddering until his balls felt completely empty. He collapsed down on his arm. “Gah!” 

“Jim?” Scotty's voice came to him after a while and when Jim tried to reach out with his mind to see how the other man was doing he found that he couldn't. A minute ago he had experienced every emotion Scotty had felt but now there was nothing.

Jim tried to get his mouth working. It was hard when all it wanted to do was rest. “Huh?”

“Jim, you're still... attached.”

“Sorry,” Jim mumbled and managed to muster enough strength to pull free from Scotty's ass. There was a pop, a gush of fluid, and a wince.

“Sorry, sorry.” Jim sat up and found that Scotty had already turned around, sitting on his knees with an astonished look on his face.

“It's gone, Jim! I don't feel you!”

Jim started looking around for his underwear. It was here, somewhere.

“Yeah, I noticed that too. You okay, Scotty?” He touched his friend's elbow lightly which seemed crazily intimate all of a sudden. 

“Well, I need a shower!” Scotty exclaimed with a frown but then his features softened. “You didn't hurt me, Jim. In fact, you might just have saved my life, but we need Doctor McCoy to confirm that!” 

“All right,” Jim laughed, his heart light and at ease. “Hop in the shower, and then we'll get down to Sickbay.”

Sickbay was empty, but Bones was still in his office. “I sent Chapel home,” he said gruffly and glared at Jim over his shoulder as he led Scotty over to one of the bio beds. “Didn't know how long this would take.” 

Jim rolled his eyes. “Well, sorry! I can't perform under pressure.”

“Don't speak,” Bones said but it was directed at Scotty. “Don't move, either.” He pulled down the diagnostic cover over Scotty, pressed a few buttons, and walked over to the screen. He studied it for a minute before he let out a soft whistle. “I'll be damned.”

“What?” Scotty had apparently forgotten that he was supposed to be quiet. “What's wrong, Doctor?”

“I'll tell you what's wrong with you, Mr. Scott. Absolutely nothing.” Bones pulled back the cover and gave Scotty a hand up. “There's no trace of the drug and your frontal cortex has returned to normal. Damn it, Jim, I didn't know you had it in you.”

Jim had known it had worked the second he had reached for Scotty's emotions and found nothing, but having it confirmed was awesome. “What? You think I'm just some kind of barroom fuckboy?” 

Bones looked him over once before settling his eyes on Scotty. “Apparently, you're not.” 

“Can I return to duty?” Scotty asked, a tone of impatience in his voice. If he'd picked up on the tension between his Captain and his Doctor, he didn't act like it. 

“I want to do another scan in a couple of days, but, yeah, you're discharged,” Bones said, not a trace of relief in his voice.

Scotty jumped down from the bed, looking as cheerful as always, and made a beeline for the door.

“Wait, Scotty!” Jim suddenly remembered their conversation. “You're not going to work on that equation, are you?”

“What?” Scotty turned around but didn't stop walking – backward – towards the door. He waved a hand in front of his face. “No, no, no! That'd be a huge waste of my time. I've got a million other things to do!” 

The doors opened and closed behind him and Jim ended up staring at them for a minute until a hand fell on his shoulder. 

“Drink, kid?”

“God, _yes_.”

“Sorry if I was rude, back there. Didn't mean to offend your honor.” 

“S'Okay,” Jim said and took a sip, feeling a million times better just by hearing that apology. Bones had broken out his Saurian brandy glasses even though they were drinking Earth whiskey. “There's not much to offend.”

“Hey, don't talk about yourself that way.” Bones almost looked angry. “There are not many people who could pull off what you just did.” 

“What? Sweet-talk an attractive man and give him an orgasm?” Jim asked. “If you say so, Bones.”

Bones didn't chuckle but relaxed his face enough that it almost looked like he was smiling. “Yeah, well, you'd better turn in, Jim. You've got Sulu tomorrow, remember?”

At once, Jim felt his good mood dissipate. Now he realized why Spock had put Scotty first. An easy task to raise his confidence before a real challenge. 

He tried for a smile and raised his glass in a toast. “Wish me luck. I'm gonna need all you can spare.”


	3. The Equal Mind

The moment it had become clear what was going to happen, Jim had decided how he was going to approach Sulu. He was going to roll over and do whatever Sulu wanted.

It's not like he didn't find Sulu attractive. He was lean and athletic and broad-shouldered in the way that made Jim weak in the knees. 

Plus, Jim had always had a thing for guys who could defeat him in battle.

But there was something about the other man that scared him, too. Sulu had been friendly before Jim had gotten his command, but after, he'd been nothing but strictly professional. 

Jim understood that. A lot of his crew acted differently around him after he took command, but Sulu had taken it exceptionally far. He never spoke out of turn and never invited Jim to socialize. 

He was the consummate officer. And that was scary.

After sleeping for almost eight hours (the whiskey and orgasm helped,) Jim showed his face on the Bridge to ward off any suspicions. That had been Spock's idea, and he caught his First Officer's eyes and nodded. Spock raised an eyebrow, but Jim knew him well enough by now to know it was the approving eyebrow-raise and not the disapproving one.

He felt a rush of pride. See? They'd have no problem connecting emotionally, a few days from now, when one of them was going to buried in the other one's ass.

Jim forced down all thoughts of imminent sex with Spock and asked the Helm a question.   
Helmsman Soule-Jerome answered immediately and eagerly, probably excited at the chance of getting to work the Alpha-shift for once.

After three hours had passed, Jim excused himself and went to his quarters. He showered and washed his hair thoroughly. He found a clean dress shirt and a pair of black chinos to wear and rinsed his mouth with mouthwash.

It was exactly sixteen hundred hours when he chimed the door at Sulu's quarters. He had debated on bringing a gift, but he hadn't been able to decide on what he should bring. 

A second passed, and then another. Just when he was about to ring the chime a second time, the doors opened.

“I'm sorry, Captain, I was washing my hands,” Sulu said. He wore a loose-fitting Academy tee that covered his waist and grey slacks like he'd just come from the gym, but he didn't smell of sweat, so he probably hadn't. 

“That's all right. Can I come in?” Jim offered, knowing full well the ridiculousness of the question. Of course, he could come in.

“Please,” Sulu stepped back and allowed Jim to enter. The quarters were tidy and sparsely decorated. A shelf lined the wall above the neatly made bed. There were no books on top of it, but a few ornaments and three framed photographs. A sword was hung in its decorated sheath over the desk. There was no couch.

“Can I offer you something to drink, Captain?” 

“Water's fine. And could you call me Jim?” Jim had the sudden urge to fidget but he forced his hands to remain still at his sides. “No need to be formal.”

“Of course, Jim,” Sulu replied evenly and gestured to the office chair. “Please, have a seat.”  
His body language suggested he was entertaining a guest he didn't know well. 

Jim sat in the office chair and twirled it around to face the room. One of the photographs was of Sulu at his graduation, looking sternly into the camera in his dress uniform. The second was a family photograph, and the third showed Sulu with his arms around another man, both of them looking at each other instead of at the camera. They were both smiling. 

“That your family?” Jim asked as Sulu returned to press a tall glass of ice water in his hands.

“Most of it, yes,” Sulu sat down on the edge of the bed and took a sip from his own glass. “My oldest sister was off-planet when that was taken, but except for her, that's the whole gang. And, yes, that is my fiancé in the other photo.”

Jim winced. “I'm sorry, I-”

“Don't,” Sulu said sharply, but there was no anger in his voice. “I'm angry at the Kogolians but I took it out on you and I shouldn't have. This isn't your fault, Jim.” 

“Still,” Jim muttered, unable to look at Sulu any longer. “I don't want to cause trouble between you two.” Until yesterday, he'd had no idea that Sulu was even in a relationship, let alone that he was engaged. This new information made what they were about to do even more awkward. It felt like he was stepping into something private, something clean, and leaving his dirty footprints everywhere. 

“You're not going to. Ben and I are monogamous, so this is obviously not something we expected, but he very much wants me to live. He sends his thanks.” Sulu's mouth curled into a smile and the warmth of it made Jim's stomach unclench. He'd been dreading this moment, but now that it was here it wasn't so bad. 

“I don't even know what it's like to be monogamous,” he said at last. “It's nice, yeah?”

Sulu set down his glass and moved back up on the bed to sit crosslegged on top of it. “It's worth the effort for us. When we see each other there's no time to argue or get bored. For twenty-four or forty-eight hours, we exist in a bubble where every meal and every conversation matters. We're living out our future in small increments, one leave at a time.” 

“Shit, that's gotta be hard.”

Sulu shrugged, but it didn't come off as dismissive. “Ben's going to be married to a Starfleet officer. One day, to a Captain. He knew what he was getting himself into when he pursued me, and I'm lucky as hell that he still did it.” 

“I don't doubt that you're going to have your own ship,” Jim said softly, too touched by the description of Sulu's relationship to comment on it. “Don't think there's anyone in Starfleet who has any doubts about that. In many ways, you're more ready for it than I am.” 

Sulu tilted his head slightly and studied Jim curiously. “Permission to speak freely?” He didn't have to add 'Captain' at the end for Jim to hear it. 

_You're about to have your cock up my ass, so why not,_ Jim thought. He nodded. “Always.” 

“You and I were on the same path to the captaincy, but through events beyond your control, you got here first. I resent you a little for that. It's something I'm still working on.” 

“I'm working on that myself,” Jim said with a sigh. “None of us were supposed to be where we are. Not for a few years, at least.”

Besides Scotty and Spock, Bones was the only other person who knew about the older Spock, and what he had shown Jim, but it was no secret that the massive loss of Starfleet personnel had advanced many careers far too quickly.

Jim set down his glass and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees in an attempt to come closer to Sulu without actually moving from his seat. “Please don't feel bad about it, Hikaru. If the situation was reversed I'd probably be thinking the same thing.” 

“Thanks, Jim. I appreciate it.” Sulu shifted subtly on the bed and Jim caught the drift, walking over to sit next to him. 

Sulu unfolded his long legs and placed his feet on the floor, hands on his knees, just like Jim's. 

Jim was close enough now to smell his aftershave, but they weren't in physical contact yet. 

“How are you holding up, Lieutenant?”

“Not too bad. I'd say... six out of ten?” Sulu was perfectly still and Jim realized that _that_ was his nervous tick. 

Scotty talked too much when he was nervous. Uhura glared, Chekov bit his lip, Bones ground his jaws, and Sulu got completely, perfectly still, like he had trained his body not to betray him. 

“Let me know if that figure drops,” Jim said and placed his hand ever so carefully on Sulu's knee. “I'm going to kiss you now if that's okay?” 

“Yeah, it's okay,” Sulu whispered and Jim made his move. 

Sulu's lips were slightly chapped and he tasted clean and minty of mouthwash. He actually kissed back and Jim was the one who was breathless when they broke away from each other. His hand had moved to Sulu's waist, all on its own, and he started pulling on the soft fabric of the tee-shirt. 

“You've got a preference, flyboy?”

“Yeah. You?”

Jim shrugged and moved in to nip at Sulu's lips gently. “I've already decided I'm gonna let you walk all over me.” 

“Come on,” Sulu rolled his eyes and it was _adorable_. “I'm not gonna hurt you, Jim. C'mere.”

He took Jim's hand and pulled him up so that they were eye to eye, or at least, eye to chin. Their clothes came off slowly, Sulu's carefully folded and Jim's tossed until they were both in their underwear. Sulu wore briefs and did a hell of a job filling them out. 

“Wow,” was all Jim could say.

Sulu caught him by the chin gently, closing his mouth for him. “Still don't have a preference?”

“Hell, yeah, I've got a preference! I swear, if you don't fuck me with that thing, I'm going to give you a reprimand.” 

Jim realized what he had said and worried for half a second that the joke would land badly, but Sulu just laughed. “Well, we can't blemish my perfect record, can we?” 

His hands were suddenly on Jim's hips, fingers digging into the waistband, and then Jim's boxers were around his ankles. He stepped out of them, reaching for Sulu, and hoping he wouldn't trip while doing it. Sulu grabbed his hand and sat down, pulling Jim along with him until they were lying face-to-face on the bed. 

“Are you Jewish?”

“On my fath-” Jim let out a groan as Sulu touched him. His hand was strong and well-manicured and he stroke Jim's cock in an almost casual manner. More like he was checking him out than trying to get him off.

“Uhm, yes.” Jim swallowed. “You're not cut?”

“Nope,” Sulu said without looking up or ceasing the movement of his hand. He had an amazed expression on his face. “This is the last new cock I'll ever touch.” 

“Ugh, better you than me,” Jim responded and buried his face in the crook of his arm. Limiting his sexual repertoire was not in his cards. Though, if he was brutally honest with himself, that prospect terrified him a lot less than it had a few years ago. “Well, take a good look, Hikaru.” 

Sulu laughed a little and then he let go of Jim's cock, licking pre-come off his thumb like he was taste-testing at a fancy restaurant. The sight made Jim's cock twitch and he reached for it only to have his hand caught. 

Hikaru raised one eyebrow. “You said you'd roll over for me.” 

Holy shit.

Jim's heart was racing like it always did when he knew a thrill was imminent. A fight, driving towards a cliff, being sexually dominated by someone strong-willed and handsome... It was all the same to his limbic system. 

“I believe the phrase was 'let you walk all over me'. And you said you wouldn't.”

Hikaru grinned and let Jim's hand go, placing it palm down on the bed. “I said I wouldn't _hurt_ you.” 

He swiftly rolled over and pulled out the drawer of the nightstand. Jim was surprised to see Starfleet issued surgical lubricant in Sulu's hands instead of the more fancy stuff, but then he remembered that Sulu didn't have sex on the Enterprise and that he never would. Somehow, that was even more poignant than the news of the engagement or the photo on the shelf. 

“I hope I get to meet Ben one day,” Jim said softly and touched Hikaru's arm. “Tell him I'll let him punch me, 'kay?” 

“You'll meet him,” Hikaru said with a sigh. “Can't say when that will be, though.” 

Jim closed his eyes and focused. Could he feel Sulu's longing or was he just sympathizing? He tried to think about how he saw Sulu; competent, capable, and perfectly composed. 

“It feels like an act sometimes.”

“Yeah?” Jim opened one eye. “You can hear what I'm thinking?”

“No, but I can feel what you're feeling and that you're feeling it about me.”

Jim leaned forward to nuzzle Sulu's jaw. “Feel something about me,” he whispered. “Or... You know... Think about me.” 

He felt Sulu's chuckle vibrate through his body and tendrils of warmth spread down his chest. Not affection, not lust, but... respect and confidence. He kissed Sulu again, hungrily, and the budding sexual arousal made those feelings stand out clearer in his mind. There was no distrust, just lingering jealousy and a desire for friendship. _I want it too,_ he thought and let his hand trail down Sulu's muscular abdomen to trace the outline of his cock. 

Sulu indulged him for a few seconds before Jim was flat on his back. He let his knees fall apart and lifted his upper body from the bed. He wanted to be kissed again and he felt mighty impatient too, but his heart almost stopped when he saw Sulu kneeling between his open legs. 

“Please keep your movements to a minimum,” Sulu said softly, and ran one finger from Jim's kneecap to the inside of his thigh. “Your talking, too.” 

Jim let his head fall back on the pillow. My God, he wouldn't ever be able to look at Sulu without getting a hard-on again. Sulu might not be able to hear his thoughts, but he was definitely feeling what Jim was feeling because he had a smug look on his face.

“Yeah, it's kind of my thing. Occasionally. Sometimes.” Jim felt the sudden urge to explain before he was swept up in arousal that wasn't his. Yeah, this was Sulu's thing, too. That was good then. All good...

Jim's feet were pushed back a little on the bedsheet and even that simple touch was erotic. Sulu's hands were strong and calloused, years of training would do that to a guy, and then Jim's hole was cold and wet, one long finger already being pressed into him.

“'Stop' is the only permitted word,” Sulu said calmly and sounded just like he did on the Bridge right then. “Unless you want me to stop, you don't speak. Understood?”

That was a trick question. Jim nodded, feeling like the world's smartest man. The horniest, too, when Sulu's finger curled in just the right way. _God, you'd better be good at this,_ he thought. _Or it'll be the biggest let-down ever._

He tried to focus on Sulu's feelings: the joy of performing for someone, of being in control of the situation. It was a calmer kind of arousal, but at least as strong as Jim's was, and Jim wanted to play right into Sulu's hands. He arched his back and tried to grind down on the lone, not at all adequate, finger and Sulu's hand caught his hip and _pressed_. Jim froze.

“If you don't at least try to keep still,” Sulu said in a menacing tone, and his finger inside Jim had stilled, “It will be a long time until I allow you to come.”

Oh God, oh God, oh God. 

Jim squeezed his eyes shut and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from begging. A small whimper escaped his lips, but at least he hadn't said anything, though part of him wanted to test the rules. He wasn't at all adverse to a _little_ bit of pain, maybe a hard spanking or two. He pictured himself over Sulu's knee, dick trapped between Sulu's thighs, and that strong, calloused hand beating his ass until it was red. Yeah, there was literally no risk of him not coming tonight. Fuck, he'd come on his own in the next five minutes even if Sulu didn't do anything more than keep talking to him.

He wanted to tell Sulu just that, but there was the whole no talking rule which suddenly sucked a little. Jim was a guy who gave good feedback, but he suddenly remembered that he didn't have to use his words. Sulu could feel how turned on Jim was, and he knew that Jim knew that he could.

Another finger pressed in and curled, stretching Jim's asshole wider than it had needed to be in a long time. It didn't burn, everything was too sex-hazy and slick for that, but the controlled intensity of it gave Jim a full-body shiver. 

“Yeah, you love this,” Sulu said smugly and ran his thumb in circles over Jim's hip, laughably soothing considering what his other hand was doing. “I don't need the poison in my brain to know that you're desperate for my cock.”

Jim was already leaking, he knew that, and he opened his eyes. He wanted to see Sulu this one and only time they would have sex.

The fingers were abruptly pulled from his ass and that actually stung a little. Sulu took his underwear off and his cock did a little bounce when it was released. It was just as thick and long as it had appeared from the outside; dark pink and not too veiny for Jim's taste. The foreskin had completely retracted and pre-come glistened on the plump glans.

“You're a limber guy, aren't you, Jim?” Sulu asked, and his voice was finally a bit unsteady. He slathered lube all over his cock and Jim could only nod in reply, not sure if he would have been able to speak if he had been allowed to.

“Now, stay still,” Sulu said softly and pushed Jim's knees all the way up to his chest.

It was a bit uncomfortable, but Sulu's warm cock pressing inside him absolutely made up for it. Jim gasped and tried to calm his breathing, but found it almost impossible. The slow and steady push seemed to last forever, and while Jim had been with guys this big before, it was a long time ago. When he finally felt Sulu's balls flush against his ass cheeks, Jim exhaled slowly, trying to will his body into relaxation. 

Sulu's concern and hesitation rose like tendrils in his mind. _Fuck off with that. I'm loving it_ , Jim thought and tried to focus on how great it felt.

As soon as Sulu got a whiff of Jim's pleasure, he started moving. First, with shallow thrusts to loosen Jim up and then with a force that made it difficult to lie still. When Sulu pulled almost all the way out and brushed Jim's prostate on the way back in, Jim let out a moan that was probably breaking the rules.

Sulu grinned down at him. “If I had known it was this easy to shut you up, I would have thought of it much sooner.”

 _Oh, you shut up,_ Jim thought and wanted to tell Sulu to stop talking and start fucking the living daylights out of him. And then, Sulu did just that.

Jim lost track of the time at some point, which only happened during the very best type of sex. His ass and cock were aching, his legs were shaking, and he'd been on the verge of orgasm more times than he could count. Each time, Sulu pulled out and let Jim's feet down until he had cooled off.

Jim's cock was leaking furiously, forgotten and untouched, but Sulu was tapped into his arousal and knew just when to back off. Sulu seemed to have an inhumane amount of control over his own erection, and Jim was torn between wanting to punch something and jerking off, but at the same time, he was more satisfied than he'd been in months. 

He had no leverage in the position he was in, couldn't do much even if he had wanted to. He didn't control the depth or the pace, when it was going to end, or when he was going to come. He didn't even have to talk. 

All of it was out of his control and he loved every minute of it.

Sulu loved it too. He wasn't a sadist, but he had the motivations of one. He wanted a body to affect, a pliant subject to act upon, someone to pleasure without asking anything of them but their joyful submission. And Jim was giving him exactly that. 

Jim could feel it; how pleased Sulu was, how turned on Jim made him, and that – more than anything – made Jim feel like he was doing a great job.

“Homestretch, Jim,” Sulu said as he pushed in once more, gripping Jim's thighs so hard he was going to leave bruises. It was the sixth or seventh time that he had stopped and started, and this time he had taken a moment to apply more lube. Jim's head had lolled to the side and his eyes had fallen shut, content to ride out another wave for however long it would last. He cracked his eyes open. Was Sulu serious? Would he really get to come?

A harsh thrust answered his question and Sulu grabbed Jim's cock roughly. Sulu's face was red and sweat was dripping down his forehead. His arms were trembling with the exertion and Jim had never seen him like this.

“Kiss me,” Jim whispered and lifted his head from the pillow, breaking two rules at once. Sulu stared at him for a moment and then he brought their mouths together, kissing with a hunger that Jim hadn't guessed him capable of. 

The thrusts grew erratic and Jim was jerked off so roughly that it almost hurt. There was no way to tell where Sulu's pleasure ended and his began, all Jim knew was that _someone_ was coming and then they both were. 

With Scotty, it had been a pleasant, slow slide into a joint pool of pleasure that had dissolved the bond between them. He'd felt perfectly normal afterward, just his usual, post-coital self. 

This was a crash. 

Jim couldn't move his body and from Sulu's weight on top of him, it was obvious that Sulu couldn't move his, either.

The last thought Jim had before blacking out was a faint hope that he wouldn't get crushed to death. 

He dreamt of wandering around a deserted Enterprise, searching for his crew. When he came to, he was lying on his side. A blanket covered him from feet to shoulders and there was a pleasant smell in the air that he recognized as melted cheese. 

“Coming to, Captain?”

Jim rolled over and groaned when he saw Sulu. 

Sulu was showered and dressed in full uniform, looking as proper as ever save for the grin on his face. He was holding a plate and a tall glass of water that he gave to Jim.

It was difficult to move, but Jim managed to sit up against the headboard. His whole body ached, but he felt a little better by the time he had drained the glass. God, he was thirsty. “More, please.”

Sulu chuckled and traded the glass for the plate. A perfectly golden grilled cheese sandwich lay upon it, and Jim's stomach murmured. He was so sated that he hadn't thought he'd ever want anything ever again, but apparently, he was hungry. He picked the sandwich up, foregoing the knife and fork Sulu had laid out for him and took a bite. It was crispy, not at all soggy, and the melted cheese was hot and just the right kind of stringy. 

As he ate his brain came more or less online. He carefully searched his mind for any emotion that wasn't his own and found nothing. Two down, four to go. Hopefully, the last four would be less brutal on his mind and body. 

Maybe Sulu and he were more sexually compatible than he and Scotty had been and that's why this experience had hit him a lot harder. Scotty wasn't even attracted to men, so it was plausible. There was also the possibility that Sulu's lingering jealousy of Jim had meant they'd had a lot more to resolve than he and Scotty had had. If _that_ was the case, it didn't bode well for at least two of the four coming up. 

Jim sighed and shook the thoughts away. There was no point in worrying ahead. 

He swallowed down the last piece of sandwich and gave the plate back to Sulu.

“How long have I been out, Hikaru?”

“Almost four hours,” Sulu said calmly and gave Jim the glass that he'd filled with water again. “I thought you needed some sleep before we visit Doctor McCoy, and it appears I was right.” 

There was a note of pride in his voice and Jim wasn't going to comment on it. The sex had been spectacular and if Sulu wanted to feel smug about it, he had earned it.

“Thanks,” Jim said after he'd finished the second glass of water. A shower on top of this, and he'd be back to normal. “What about you? I vaguely remember you collapsing on top of me.”

“Oh, I slept almost a full hour. Not on top of you,” Sulu added. “I think my quicker recovery was due to the fact that I hadn't had sex in almost a year, and especially not poison-induced empathic sex.” 

Jim hoped that repeated exposure wouldn't make things worse. If that was the case, he'd be a wreck by the time it was Bones' turn to have him.

“Well, you're a lucky man, Hikaru,” Jim said with a sigh. He was definitely going to let Ben hit him. One punch. Maybe two. 

“In more ways than one,” Sulu said and smiled.

Jim borrowed Sulu's sonic for a nice, long scrub. Once he had dressed, putting on the clean underwear Sulu had replicated for him, they walked down to Sickbay together. Jim's ass was aching, but the rest of him felt pretty good. He'd found there were very few problems that rest and food couldn't fix, and this time was no different. 

Bones looked like he'd hardly slept and the curtains were fully drawn around one of the beds in the back. “Plasma burn,” he muttered, “Crewman Wilkes will be on sick leave for the next two weeks.”

Jim stopped and his mouth dried up. “Plasma burn – Bones, what happened? Why didn't you inform me?” 

“I informed Commander Spock,” Bones said curtly, already prepping the biobed. “You were out of commission. We handled it.” He pointed at Sulu. “Get on the bed, Lieutenant.”

Sulu complied and Bones pulled the diagnostic cover down over him before stepping over to the console. “My staff is more than equipped to handle any medical emergency that may arise on this ship, as we did. Crewman Wilkes will be just fine, as will you, Lieutenant,” he walked over to the bed and pulled the cover back to let Sulu up. “Congratulations. You may return to duty.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Sulu nodded, and rose to his feet, adjusting his uniform jacket. His eyes found Jim's and he suddenly looked a little unsure. 

“Uhm, I'll be in my office, if you need me, Jim,” Bones said, and turned on his heel, leaving the two of them alone. 

Sulu held up his hand.

“Captain, I – Can I still call you Jim? When we're off duty of course,” he added quickly.

“Of course you can,” Jim said. “When I've had sex with someone, first name basis is kind of implied.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on Sulu's face and he took a step forward. “Did I tell you I play squash once a week? I can't seem to get you interested in fencing, but-”

“I would love to,” Jim said quickly. “And my door is always open. Any time, Hikaru.” 

Sulu responded by pulling him into a hug that was exactly as firm and wonderful as Jim had imagined it to be. There might not be any sex in their future, but Jim really hoped there would be hugs.

“Thank you, Jim,” Sulu said softly. “You saved my life.” 

Jim wanted to quip – he hadn't done most of the work after all, but this was a _moment_ and he knew how to recognize those. 

“I've done it before, remember,” he whispered. “This time was easier.”

“So, how was it?” Bones asked and went immediately for the bottle on the shelf. Jim shook his head and stuck his hands in his pockets. 

“Still in one piece. He didn't kill me, though he did fuck the brains out of me.”

Bones had spent years listening to Jim talking about his sex life so he didn't so much as roll his eyes, though Jim could tell he wanted to. “That good, huh?”

“Fuck, yeah, it was that good!” Jim threw himself down on the chair a little too hard and winced. “Forget the drink, if you can get me something for the pain in my ass, I'll love you forever.” 

Bones studied him carefully. He had that look on his face that Jim couldn't quite read. “And this isn't gonna mess things up between the two of you?”

“Naw, I think we're good. Actually, I think...” Jim paused. What Sulu had admitted was probably something he didn't want anyone else to know. “He told his boyfriend everything. They're probably gonna be okay. Did you know they are engaged?”

“I didn't know that, no,” Bones replied. “Didn't even know Sulu was in a relationship until two days ago. Well,” he said and stood up. “Odds aren't great when it comes to Starfleet marriages.”

He disappeared into the clinic and returned a couple of seconds later to grab Jim's neck roughly. The hypo stung as badly as it always did, but the ache in Jim's ass dulled almost immediately.

“Aww, why do you always have to be so rough with me, Bones?” Jim whined and rubbed the injection site. 

Bones had disappeared again and after a while, it was obvious he wasn't going to return. Well, so much for a heart-to-heart about Sulu's cock. 

Jim got up and walked back out into the main area of Sickbay where he found Bones hunched over a container of vials. He seemed to be taking inventory and stopped every few seconds to make notes on a PADD.

“Well,” Jim said cheerfully. “If I continue at this rate, I'll have everyone cured in less than two days. Beats even your record.” 

“Jim, I...” Bones let out a harsh sigh. He had stopped what he was doing and was gripping the counter so hard his knuckles had whitened.

Oh.

Spock had put himself before Bones, Uhura before him and... 

“You don't have to say it,” Jim said softly. He wanted to touch Bones' shoulder, but it didn't feel appropriate given the situation. “If I hurt Pavel, you're going to beat the shit out of me.”


	4. The Healing Heart

Jim was still rested from the nap in Sulu's quarters, so he went to his office to get a few hours of work in. Paperwork was a constant in the Universe and he could always count on it to provide a distraction whenever he needed one.

He wasn't exactly nervous about what he was about to do, or at least he hadn't been until he'd seen the expression on Bones' face. It was obvious that Bones still cared a lot about Chekov, even more so than the rest of them did.

Before having sex with Sulu, Jim's primary concern had been messing up Sulu's current relationship, but this time, he would be stepping over the ruins of a failed one.

After showing himself on the bridge, Jim went to the gym. He'd taken up kettlebells over a year ago and found he preferred them over barbells and dumbbells. He had carried and lifted heavy objects since he was a teenager, and he preferred working out in a way that didn't seem detached to everyday life.

An hour of pressing, squatting, and swinging later, he had a pleasant ache in his muscles and a good conversation starter. Did he know that kettlebells were invented in Russia? Yes. Yes, he did. 

At 1600 hours, he rang the chime to Ensign Chekov's quarters, ready to protect and serve once more.

When the doors opened, Jim's eyebrows went up all on their own.

Not only was Chekov not in civvies, but he was also wearing a dress uniform, down to the polished, black, knee-high boots. His curls had been somewhat beaten into submission and his hands were clasped behind his back. 

Jim could only imagine what he looked like in his grey hoodie and jeans and with his hair still damp from the water shower. He stepped into the small quarters and the doors closed automatically behind him.

“Are you expecting an inspection?”

“No, Sir, I – I figured that I would dress for the occasion.” Chekov's hands unclasped and he took a short breath. “I'm sorry, Sir, did I miscalculate?”

Dress for the occasion? Dress uniforms were for meeting delegates and Admirals and for official celebrations. Jim couldn't fit what they were about to do neatly into one of those slots, but he decided to take it as a compliment.

“Well, you look handsome,” he said with a smile and stepped closer. He lay his hand on Chekov's elbow and winced inwardly at the flinch that followed. “First rule of the evening: call me Jim.” 

Chekov swallowed and nodded. “Yes, Jim.” 

_Second rule, don't act like you're still addressing me as Captain in your mind._

Jim removed his hand. “Do you want a drink, Pavel?”

“Oh, of course. Were are my manners?” Chekov moved away from him, but not far, just to a cabinet a few feet away.

The whole room couldn't be more than sixty or seventy square feet, just big enough to fit two narrow cots and two sets of cabinets. There was no replicator, only a water fountain fitted into one of the walls, and a small door that obviously led to the bathroom. Jim couldn't remember if these types of quarters had a shower or not. 

If he hadn't been so quickly promoted, he would have spent the first few years on a Starship in a room just like this. He suddenly felt a little guilty.

“Where's your roommate?”

“Doctor Öberg is sleeping somewhere else tonight, I do not know where. Commander Spock arranged it and I didn't ask.”

“Spock thinks of everything,” Jim muttered, feeling grateful for his First Officer once again. “Doctor?” 

“Of Performing Arts,” Chekov turned around with two glasses in hand. “I'm afraid I have no ice but this is best had neat in any case.” 

Jim accepted the glass and sniffed it. “Cognac?”

“Yes,” Chekov indicated the bed by the cabinet. “A gift for my eighteenth birthday.”

There hadn't been a couch in Sulu's quarters either; presumably by choice. Here, it was by necessity. You wouldn't be able to fit a couch here, nor a desk, and Jim guessed a desk would have been more appreciated. 

He sat down on the edge of the narrow bed and rested his elbows on his knees. “Where do you write your reports, Pavel?” 

“In the ship's library, most often. But sometimes in the mess,” Chekov quietly replied. He remained standing by the cabinet, just out of Jim's reach, fingering his glass nervously without drinking from it. 

“Before we talk about anything else, Jim, I must tell you something.”

When Jim had taken a sip, Chekov took one himself and sat down on the bed as far from Jim as was possible. He looked more ready to get intimate with the wall than with Jim. 

“I'm all ears,” Jim turned a little, just enough to appear friendly, and tasted the Cognac again. It was smooth and rich and far too expensive for a junior officer. A family member must have sent it, maybe a parent or an uncle. He could imagine Chekov having a proud and doting uncle. “Nothing you will say can shock me, Pavel,” he said gently. “I've heard it all.” 

“I am going to request reassignment to another Starship.”

“What?” Jim had expected some sexual confession – or question – but not this. “No! No. I mean – why?” 

Chekov took a breath and launched into what was probably a pre-prepared speech. “The situation regarding myself and Doctor McCoy is interfering with my work performance.”

Jim was stunned. “I haven't noticed,” he said helplessly.

“It is also affecting my personal well-being. I am telling you this now, because when... Later...” Chekov gestured with his hand like he still hadn't made his peace with what was about to happen. “You are going to find out, and I do not want to risk the success of... I very much want to be cured,” he added.

“That's good,” Jim said weakly and studied the young officer in front of him. The downcast eyes, the slumped shoulders. “You're heart-broken, aren't you?”

Chekov just nodded and Jim's own heart sank. When he stretched out his arm as far as he could he was able to reach Chekov's shoulder. It was awkward until politeness seemed to win out and Chekov inched close enough for it not to be. 

“But Pavel,” Jim said softly, “You do know it passes, right?”

“I know,” Chekov nodded slightly and looked up. “I am hoping it will pass faster someplace else.”

“Out of sight, out of mind?” Jim had never been much for romance, but he'd seen a few friends fall hard and crash when the end inevitably came. And of course, Bones. Bones had been heartbroken when they'd met, and it had made Jim even more determined never to fall down that rabbit hole. 

But this... he had not expected Chekov to be so hurt that he was planning on running away. Jim immediately scolded himself for the thought. Starfleet personnel rotated all the time, and Chekov was not a child, and still... The Enterprise wouldn't seem right without him. 

“Well, do you _want_ to leave the Enterprise?” Jim asked at last. “If Doctor McCoy wasn't a factor – would you still want to leave?”

Chekov frowned so hard it was almost a grimace. “No. Absolutely, I would not. I have my friends, I enjoy the work. The Enterprise is a magnificent ship.” It sounded like he was arguing with himself.

“And you'd be willing to give all of that up, just for his sake?” Jim wanted nothing more than to forget about the sex and wrap Chekov into a hug instead, but even that seemed to be too intimate. His hand lingered where it was, moving slightly from Chekov's breathing. 

“I don't know what else to do,” Chekov said after a minute of silence. “It has been three months now, and... I know he's your friend, Jim. It must be difficult for you to listen to this. I am sorry.”

“Don't worry about it.” Jim pulled his hand back when it was obvious it wasn't doing much good. “It's what I'm here for. If you're sure about leaving, I'll sign off on it. I promise. But I'd hate for you to give up a position and a place that makes you happy just because you're going through a hard time right now.” He repeated what he'd told Sulu. “My door is always open, Pavel. You can talk to me about anything. I mean it.”

Chekov turned gradually until his knee was resting on the bed and his face was turned towards Jim. His eyes were clear and dry, but sad and so, _so_ incredibly young. “You are a very good Jim.” 

“I know we'd all hate to lose you,” Jim said softly. “I know that _I_ would hate it. It's still your call.”

“I will think about it, and now you know, so...” Chekov closed his eyes and drained his glass before setting it down on the floor. “It may hurt when you feel it. I am sorry about that as well.”

“Won't be a problem.” Jim would happily carry Chekov's heartbreak if he could, would let it pour into him until he had taken it all. “There's nothing you can make me feel that will make me think less of you.”

He carefully stood to place his glass on top of the cabinet, his movements slow and deliberate. “Is it okay if I give you a hug?” 

“It is okay,” Chekov replied calmly and moved his knee out of the way.

Jim kept it chaste, wrapped Chekov loosely in his arms, and breathed slowly. Soft curls tickled his cheek but he didn't nuzzle them, didn't press a kiss to the neck beneath them. The first inkling of emotion pricked his mind as he found himself pulled more tightly into the hug. It was sadness. A dull ache that left you functional but never stopped reminding you of what you had lost.

“You are nice to hug,” Chekov's voice was muffled, the words spoken into Jim's shirt. “I would like to try kissing with you. If you want it.”

“Yeah, I want it.” Jim sighed with relief and dared to run his fingertips through Chekov's soft curls. “Let's try that now, okay?”

Chekov's lips were just as soft as they looked and his mouth opened easily. He kissed the way Jim had kissed at fifteen, sloppy and uncoordinated but with an eagerness to please and obvious enjoyment. 

When Jim broke the kiss, he started rubbing his thumbs up and down the sides of Chekov's face. “You've done everything before?”

“Most things, I believe. I have not done everything.”

No one had done _everything_ , not even Jim, but he had wanted to make sure he wasn't up to a task even more challenging than the one in front of him. 

“Okay, so you've done enough to know what you like, Pavel. That's good. We'll do it however you want to.”

“I do not think my preferences should be the only things taken into account,” Chekov said with a frown. “That would not be fair to you. Please, tell me what _you_ want, Jim. I am experienced both in fucking and in being fucked. Though, I admit the latter does not require much skill.” 

“Heck, yeah it does,” Jim tried to sound incredulous, mostly to chase away the image of Pavel fucking Bones. He didn't know much about his friend's sex life, but somehow he'd never thought of Bones in that way. “It absolutely requires skill!”

That caused Chekov to blush and it was so cute that Jim took the chance to kiss him again, just a quick kiss on the lips.

“I want to make this good for you, Pavel. Please let me.”

“If I am being honest, I do prefer to bottom,” Chekov admitted after a while, “And I do enjoy receiving blowjobs, though I can also give one if that is required,” he added quickly and looked just like he did in the briefing room whenever he made a suggestion.

“Nothing is required,” Jim said softly and took both of Chekov's hands to pull him up. 

When they were standing, Jim let his hands wander under the awful uniform jacket and the plain undershirt until he found skin. Chekov didn't flinch this time, but Jim felt confusion that wasn't his own. 

“Can you tell what I'm feeling?” he asked and rubbed his thumb over Chekov's hip. 

“You are concerned,” Chekov said quietly. He was looking at something in the center of Jim's chest. “You feel affection towards me and no distaste for what you are about to do.”

“No distaste at all,” Jim said with a smile and moved his hands downward. “Hold on to that feeling, okay?”

The dress uniform had been designed to be as uncomfortable as humanly possible and therefore didn't have a zipper. Jim fumbled with the buttons for a minute until he finally got the hang of it. 

He undressed Chekov in silence, folded the uniform as neatly as he could, and placed the bundle on top of the cabinet. There had to be a closet somewhere, but he wasn't going to go look for it now.

There was only one thing left to unveil and Jim hooked his thumbs under the waistband of Chekov's underwear and pulled them down when he sank to his knees.

No distaste _at all_.

Chekov's cock was already hardening, more length than girth. It was a pretty shade of pink and had that sweet up curve that hit all the best spots when you rode it. It was a nice specimen, attached to a nice specimen. 

Jim glanced up and found Chekov staring at him, eyes bright and wide.

“I'll know if you don't like it. You'll know that I do,” Jim said and tugged on Chekov's cock to fit the glans into his mouth. They were fleshy and smooth and tasted like clean sweat and pre-come.

After a few minutes of gentle sucking, hitched breaths, and fingers softly gripping his shoulders, Jim was more at a loss than ever. How could anyone ever give this up? 

He sat back on his heels to catch his breath and found Chekov's hand. “You have lube?” 

“Of course, Jim. It is-

“Let me guess, it's in the cabinet? I'll get it.”

Jim got up and found a tube of lube that didn't come from Sickbay next to a bottle of shaving cream and a razor. He should have expected that. Unlike Scotty and Sulu, Chekov had been having sex on the Enterprise until fairly recently. 

“What about a favorite position? Or one you'd like to try out?”

Chekov bit his lip. “Yes and yes. Which do you think I should choose?”

“Well, I think we should do it in the way you like best,” Jim said as innocently as possible and asked Chekov to help him undress.

Asking questions seemed like the way to go. Making decisions probably distracted Chekov from the snake nest of emotion Jim had so far only gotten a glimpse of. 

Jim asked him what room temperature he wanted; if wanted the lights turned down or up. 

“On top of the covers or under them?”

“Under, please,” Chekov frowned. “I spent all my recycling credits on my uniform.” 

Shit, now Jim really felt guilty. He pulled the covers back and lay himself down as close to the edge as he could without falling over. “Come here.” 

“You will fall,” Chekov said hesitantly but complied nonetheless. The bed was too narrow for two people to sleep comfortably, but then again, the sex lives of junior officers and enlisted crew was probably not a priority for Starfleet. 

They ended up pressed together, shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip. 

Jim found Chekov's elbow and rubbed it. “You want to talk about it?”

“I would like to,” Chekov said after a moment's hesitation. “But I'm afraid it is not very sexy. You might have to give me a blowjob again afterward.”

“Don't get greedy, man,” Jim said with a chuckle and took a second to marvel at the softness of Chekov's skin. “You're incredibly young, you know that?”

“How can I forget when everyone keeps reminding me?” Chekov sighed in frustration and then his whole body seemed to deflate. “That was the reason Leonard gave me, too. But I know he was lying. He broke up with me because he is not in love with me. He never was.”

“Don't feel bad, Pavel,” Jim tried. “Bones was screwed over big-time by his ex-wife. He's probably not capable of falling in love anymore.” 

“That's not–“ Chekov suddenly looked away and there was tension on his face that hadn't been there before. “It is not my place to speculate on Leonard's motivations. I will only say that I miss him terribly and that I enjoyed the time we shared together.” He turned to look at Jim, more of a teenager than a junior officer. “And I am glad he was my first lover.”

Aww, damn.

Jim tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Chekov's ear. “First-first, or first time you got fucked?”

Chekov shook his head. “I had not even kissed anyone before that.” 

A late bloomer, then. Jim had done everything you could do with another person by the time he was sixteen. “He was good to you?” 

“Yes, he was very gentle. Very sweet with me, always.” Chekov sounded genuinely grateful and Jim's heart ached. 

“Maybe if I fuck you the way you liked best you'll find out whether you still enjoy it or not. If it was a... a Leonard-thing or a you-thing. A Pavel-thing.”

Chekov frowned like he was thinking it over and then he nodded. “I agree with your plan, Jim. You are very clever. But then again, I already knew that you were.”

It turned out that Chekov's favorite position was nothing fancy at all.

Face to face, with Jim holding his feet; the feet-holding being of utmost importance. Chekov was certainly strong enough to hold his own legs up, but he liked it when his feet were held. Held, caressed and cupped gently. It probably had something to do with the fact that he subjected them to Marathons and other grueling, long distances.

Jim had stretched Chekov out thoroughly with the good lube, achingly slow and trying not to come in his pants at the first clench of strong muscle around his fingers.

For a second, he had imagined the pure terror of doing this to Chekov for the very first time. If Bones hadn't already put in the work; hadn't coaxed Chekov open, hadn't tenderly prepared his body and made him fall in love with being filled up. 

But he had, and Jim was probably just as grateful for that as Chekov was. 

He used his hand to line himself up and rolled his hips forward; a soft, warm slide that carried him all the way and made Chekov go completely still beneath him. 

“You okay?” 

Jim didn't dare to lean in for a kiss so he settled for rubbing his thumbs over the soles of Chekov's feet. The skin on Chekov's thighs was so pale that Jim could see the veins underneath. 

“That is a strange question,” Chekov answered almost as an afterthought. He was looking up at the ceiling, his brow furrowed like he was working on an equation. “And I do not know how to answer it.” 

Jim was baffled for a second, and then he understood.

There was Chekov; the part of him that was in love with Bones and still hurting over it, and there was the part of Chekov that was experiencing pleasure for the first time with someone other than his first lover. That part of Chekov that wondered what all of this meant. 

The confusion and wonder were so tangled together that Jim couldn't tell where one emotion began and the other ended. 

“I think...” Chekov whispered and finally looked at Jim. “I think this is a me-thing.” 

Chekov had a strong, tight ass, and a few minutes of slip-and-slide later, Jim was nearing the end. He aimed for Chekov's prostate, grabbed his pretty cock, and thrust to completion. He didn't know who came first, but Chekov's orgasm was powerful enough that Jim's cock actually hurt. But it was good, far too good, and he had the presence of mind to pull out before he collapsed. 

He tugged Chekov close and they lay pressed together for a long time; hot, sweaty, and sticky with come. 

It had been nowhere near as intense as with Sulu. Partially, he guessed, because he hadn't really had anything significant to work out with Chekov. Still, it had to have worked, right? 

“What am I feeling now?”

Chekov opened his eyes to peer at him. He looked on the verge of falling asleep and annoyed at being disturbed. “You look happy, but I don't feel anything.”

“I don't feel you either,” Jim said softly. “But we should get to Sickbay, eventually, just to make sure you're all right.”

A shadow fell on Chekov's face and Jim wanted to kick himself. “There's no rush to go there,” he added. “We should sleep for a while.” 

They had ended up almost cuddling but in an odd position. “Lift your head,” Jim ordered and lay his arm out when Chekov complied. This was nicer, a proper hug, and much more comfortable on the narrow bed. He started stroking Chekov's hair with his other hand, making the soft curls damp with his sweat.

“Go ahead and fall asleep, Pavel. Don't worry about my arm. I can take it.” 

“I'd like that,” Chekov mumbled and closed his eyes.

Jim woke up to an empty bed and the sound of a sonic shower. So they did have some kind of shower in these quarters after all.

He wasn't any groggier than he usually was after a nap. The sadness he'd felt was gone, but he could still remember it and how he had wished he could have taken it with him.

Chekov appeared with a towel around his waist and another over his head. He sat down on the edge of the bed and appeared to dry his hair, which was unnecessary as there was no water in it. Earth habits died hard.

“I was thinking,” he began eagerly, “Perhaps it would be a good idea if I took on additional duties around the ship. It would help me focus on my career goals and would provide a useful distraction from my personal problems.”

“You could,” Jim sat up slowly to rub Chekov's knee. “Or you could engage in social activities with the rest of the crew.”

“Social activities?” Chekov almost frowned. “There are social activities on the Enterprise?”

“Yeah, Pavel,” Jim rolled his eyes. “Social activities. I don't know if you've noticed, but there are hundreds of people on this ship, many of them closer to your age than mine, and believe me, they don't spend every waking hour working even if I sometimes wish they did.”

“Hikaru is my best friend, and we practice fencing one hour every week,” Chekov said slowly, realization dawning on him. “Perhaps there are other activities I could partake in as well. I shall ask him.”

“You do that, sweetheart,” Jim said fondly and felt a stab of guilt when he saw Chekov's eyes darken. “He call you that?”

Chekov just nodded.

“Other people are going to call you that and many other things, Pavel. I know you hate being told you're young, but that just means you've got a lot of things ahead of you. Most of them good.”

“I guess you are right, Jim,” Chekov replied after a moment's thought. If all of this was falling on deaf ears, he was doing a good job of hiding it. He looked suspiciously at Jim. “You will inform me when I should start addressing you as Captain, again, right?” 

Jim laughed and kissed him on the shoulder. “Whenever we're not in private, Ensign Chekov.” 

“I can live with that, Jim,” Chekov said, and actually, honest-to-God smiled. “Well, you are of course free to use my sonic, but I suspect you would prefer to shower and eat in your quarters.”

“I don't want to show up in Sickbay smelling like sex,” Jim complained. “The nurses will get ideas.”

Chekov bit his lip. “Jim, if it's all right with you... I would like to see him on my own.”

There had been many feelings over the last few hours, but a new one welled up in Jim, all on its own.

Pride.

Part of growing up was facing your fears and dealing with the parts of your past that troubled you. He had learned that the hard way. Maybe it wouldn't be quite so hard for Pavel. 

“I think that's a great idea,” Jim nodded slowly and wondered if his voice was going to crack. “I know he would love to see you.”


	5. The Kiss Goodbye

Jim still had a spring in his step a few hours later.

Bones hadn't said much to him. He hadn't said anything about Chekov at all, but when Jim had dropped into Sickbay during his lunch break his friend had been a little less tense and some of the darkness had left his eyes. 

Jim wasn't going to pry. Whatever Chekov had told Bones had decidedly let Jim off the hook, and he was determined to enjoy the good mood for however long it lasted.

Spock informed him that there was a message from Starfleet and he decided to play it in his office, stopping by the replicator to get himself a nice, strong cup of coffee. Whatever the brass would throw his way he would handle without breaking a sweat. 

The doors to his office opened automatically as the computer recognized him and Jim froze. The lights were already on inside his office and Lieutenant Uhura was sitting in one of the guest chairs with her back toward him. She stood up and turned around. Her face was tight and strained, and her eyes held a sadness that he didn't think he'd ever seen there.

“Do you need anything?” He asked meekly, already feeling his good mood evaporate. Whatever this was, it wouldn't be anything good.

Uhura took a breath as if to steady herself and nodded. “Captain, I have come to ask you to move our appointment forward.”

Their “appointment” was scheduled for eight o'clock that night, and Jim had planned to get a few hours to sleep and come up with some sort of strategy. He didn't really know Uhura, not personally, and he had no idea how he was going to crack that shell of hers. 

He took a step forward, just enough to allow the doors to close behind him. “Any time you want,” he said softly. “When would be a good time for you?”

Uhura closed her eyes and nodded again. 

Jim could hear the obvious answer to his question in her silence. It would never be a good time. She had made that perfectly clear over the last four years, and at some point, Jim had finally taken no for an answer. It shamed him that it was probably the moment he had realized she was involved with Spock. Instead of taking her word for it, he hadn't called off his pursuit until he realized she was taken by another man.

“I would prefer to get this over with right away, Captain.” Uhura's voice was weak, but it didn't tremble. She nodded once more and pulled her dress up to her waist.

Jim almost dropped the coffee, but he had the foresight to put it down on one of the shelves lining the walls. She wasn't wearing any underwear and his cock twitched to life at the sight of where it had wanted to go for a long time.

“I have prepared myself,” she said quietly, and Jim tore his eyes away from her full, beautiful bush to look her in the eye. 

“There's no need to...” Uhura caught his gaze and shook her head, still holding on to the hems of her dress. She looked incredibly awkward standing there and that made his cock wilt a little. “I would prefer it if you were quick about it, Sir.” She turned her back to him, revealing an ass that was just as round and plump as it appeared to be under her uniform. 

She rested her arms on the desk and spread her legs, and if Jim ever said that this had never been a fantasy of his, he'd be lying.

Uhura was a frequent star in Jim Kirk's nighttime revue. 

In the beginning, he had simply imagined that their first meeting had gone a little better and ended in one of the bathroom stalls. Sometimes in the back of her truck. In his fantasies, she often owned a truck for some reason. At the Academy, he had pictured post-exam sex – celebratory or commiserating depending on how the exam had gone – and about being invited to a sleepover with her and Gaila that had soon evolved into a giggly threesome. He had retired that fantasy after Gaila had died. 

But once he had taken command of the Enterprise, this scenario had become his favorite.

When he was really close to coming, he would picture her like this; begging him to fuck her on his desk because she was too horny to wait the two minutes it would take to get to a bed. 

He took a deep breath and studied her.

Uhura was standing perfectly still. Her head was resting on her forearms and Jim realized she wasn't going to move, talk, or open her eyes until it was over. 

_Like a lamb to the slaughter_ , his mind supplied and his hard-on shriveled up like a dried out corn husk. 

“Lieutenant...” he swallowed thickly. “Please, put your clothes on, and...”

She screwed her eyes harder shut. “What do you need? A... a blowjob, or...” 

“To talk! Holy shit! Just... stand up. Now,” Jim turned around and fixed his eyes on the coffee cup that seemed to taunt him. Just five minutes ago, he'd been on top of things, so sure of himself. “It doesn't work like this. We're supposed to... “ _Make an emotional connection. Enjoy ourselves._

Both of those prospects seemed miles away at the moment. “Quick and dirty isn't the Kogolians' style, I'm pretty sure. Remember what Bones said?”

He heard her move behind him and after a few seconds, he cautiously turned his head.

Uhura had pulled her dress down again and her arms were wrapped around herself like she was freezing. A single tear rolled slowly down her beautiful cheek and Jim died a little on the inside. The last time he'd made a girl cry, he was twelve. 

“You need a moment, Lieutenant?”

“I'm good, Sir.” She wiped the tear away with one perfectly manicured finger. “You're right. This was a stupid idea.”

Jim dared to take a step closer to her and pointed at the chair she had just vacated. There were two chairs meant for visitors. He didn't get many guests in here, but Spock and Bones stopped by sometimes. Sometimes, even together.

He tried to keep his body language relaxed and non-threatening. Having the desk between them would help, too. “I'm gonna sit down. You want anything?” 

Jim sank down in his office chair and poured himself a glass of water from the carafe that his Yeoman filled every day. He wasn't at all thirsty, but he had to do something with his hands that wasn't tearing his hair out. 

“I'm fine, thank you,” Uhura said with a sigh and took the seat across from him. “Captain, I apologize if I put you off with my behavior, but there's no point in beating about the bush. I don't want to do this. If I could get my hands on –” Her eyes darkened and she straightened herself. “If we have any further dealings with the Kogolian delegates, I'm going to have some choice words for them.” 

“Curse words?”

Uhura nodded and rubbed her neck. “I know a few phrases of Kogolian vernacular that would come in handy.”

“God, I'd love to see it,” Jim said and chuckled. “You chewed me out good a couple of times at the Academy. That's a talent of yours.” 

“One of many.” Uhura studied him coolly for a few seconds. “I've worked very hard to prove myself worthy of my position, Captain. It distresses me greatly that it will all have been for nothing.”

There was a hint of bitterness in her voice that caught him off guard. A week ago, he would have tried to change the topic, but now his job was to lean into that bitterness and resolve it. “You know I admire you greatly, Lieutenant. Your expertise was instrumental in defeating Nero and you have proven yourself many times since then.”

She nodded. “I have achieved a great many things under your command and become an invaluable member of the crew. Tell me, Captain, when you're old and retired and my name comes up in conversation, are you going to remember me for the contributions I made?” She tilted her head and almost glared at him. “Or are you going to think about that time you finally tapped that ass?”

“I'll probably think about both,” he admitted. There was no denying it; he'd wanted to sleep with Uhura for almost four years, and his attraction to her had never really faded. “But mostly, I'll think of you as one of my friends.” 

“Are we friends, Captain?” She looked like she didn't quite believe him. 

“My friends call me Jim while off-duty.” He let out a sigh. “And, yeah, I thought we were?” 

Her rigid posture loosened a bit and her shoulders dropped. She began to rub her hands together, looking down at them. “I resent you, Jim, even though I don't blame you. I resent that you're finally getting what you wanted back in that bar when you didn't know the first thing about me.”

“I never wanted it like this,” Jim said weakly, clinging to the way his name had sounded when she spoke it. “Never like this. And you know, I'm quite capable of admiring someone I'm turned on by. I don't know what kind of stories you've heard about me, but... Don't worry about feeling that way. It's okay, it's...” he thought about the others and how he had been able to make each of them feel a bit better. “Nyota,” he asked softly, “What can I do to make it easier for you?”

Uhura lifted her head to look at him and the tension was almost gone from her face. She looked resigned, but calm, no longer like she was bracing herself for something terrible. “Please don't talk about the past. And I don't want to do it in my quarters.”

It was obvious why. She didn't want to have sex with him in the same bed that she and Spock made love, and although it stung a little, Jim understood. His own quarters were unmistakably the Captain's which wouldn't work either given her insecurities. 

“No problem. The guest quarters are empty at the moment, so we'll use those. And there'll be absolutely no talking about the past. We can even pretend to be other people if you want,” he added coyly. “I'll call you Juliet if that's okay?”

A soft smile broke out on Uhura's face and Jim felt a little bit lighter.

“Don't flatter yourself,” she said, but then she fell silent, chewing on her lip for a few moments. He had never seen her do that before. “There is one more thing you can do for me.”

“Anything,” Jim threw his hands out as if to visualize the extent to which he was willing to go to make her comfortable. He would wear a blindfold, a costume, let her tie him to the bed and do some freaky Vulcan sex ritual on him. Whatever it took, he would do it. 

The expression on her face was open and honest. “Show me a good time, Jim.” 

Jim had gone through the next few hours in a strange mix of excitement, calm, and performance anxiety. The message from Starfleet was unremarkable and there was no excitement to be found on the bridge, either. Both Sulu and Chekov were back on their posts and Jim thought Chekov looked a little happier than he'd done over the last couple of months. 

Spock barely spoke a word, and when Jim excused himself, he was greeted by the curtest of nods. Anyone who thought Vulcans couldn't feel anything was an idiot. 

If Spock had been human, Jim would have pulled him aside and given him the talk. _Yeah, I'm totally gonna bang your girlfriend, but it doesn't mean anything, so don't worry about it._ But Spock wasn't human, and sex with Uhura _was_ going to mean something, so there was no way to ease the embarrassment that welled up inside him.

“I apologize for being late.” 

“That's all right,” Jim stepped back to let Uhura into the room. He'd arrived half an hour early to check that the room was presentable, having never actually been to any of the guest quarters before. An oversight on his part as the Captain, perhaps. “I've never seen you in pants before.” 

Uhura looked decidedly different; hair down, no make-up, and wearing a light grey tracksuit. He wondered if this was her way of deconstructing the image of her in his mind, and maybe it did, but damn, she was just as beautiful as ever. 

“It's how I usually dress off-duty,” she said with a shrug, sticking her hands in pockets that her uniform was sorely lacking. “Is there anything to drink in this place?”

“Just synthehol, I'm afraid, but I can call for something if you want?” Jim would have to think of something to say to the Yeoman delivering the drinks and Uhura would have to hide in the bathroom, but it was doable. Slightly embarrassing on his part, but doable. 

“Synthehol is fine,” Uhura shook her head, perhaps guessing what he was thinking. “I don't need a hangover when I'm working on the translator. Gin on the rocks, please.” 

Uhura said it so humbly, as though she was doing minor bug fixes instead of re-writing the algorithm from the base up to include languages without vowels. 

“Something about you doesn't strike me as a gin lover,” Jim muttered and ordered two identical drinks from the synthesizer. Uhura accepted the glass but didn't raise it before she took a sip. 

“You don't strike me as a gin lover either, Romeo.” 

“My mother had a well-stocked liquor cabinet.” Jim tasted his own drink. The synthehol percentage was right, and there was a distinct taste of juniper, but there were no dimensions to the flavor and no aftertaste. Synthehol drinks, like most other things on the Ship, were passable, but could never be mistaken for the real thing. “And to tell you the truth, once I was old enough to go to bars, I rarely had to pay for my drinks.” 

She tilted her head and studied him in that uncanny way of hers that had always made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. “It sounds like you were a lot of people's good time.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” he admitted a little defensively. 

“No, there's nothing wrong with that,” Uhura replied smoothly and fingered her glass. “Nothing at all.” 

They finished their drinks in silence, and then there was an awkward moment where the two of them just stood there. Jim could go for another drink, he had never had any problems getting and staying hard even in his most inebriated states, but he didn't really want to. There was a once-in-his-lifetime event coming up and he wanted to be present for all of it. Savor it in all of its glory. 

Uhura's clear voice broke the silence. “How will we know when it's working?” 

“We just will. Trial and error,” Jim shrugged. 

“Hmm.” Uhura crossed the distance between them until she was close enough for him to smell the artificial juniper on her breath. She pressed her knee against his. 

“What am I feeling now, Romeo?”

Jim closed his eyes and tried to let his mind drift, but it was hard with her so close to him. “One of us is a bit nervous, but I don't know if it's you.” It probably wasn't. From the moment she had stepped inside the room, Uhura had had a calmness about her that he hadn't anticipated.

“Don't worry, I'll be gentle,” she said softly, and he would have laughed at that if she hadn't brushed her fingertips against his wrist. The slight touch made his mouth dry. This was nothing like the handshakes they had exchanged in the past; firm and business-like.

She pulled on the tip of his index finger until his palm was curled around her waist, and then she stepped into his embrace like he was ripe for the taking. The soft tresses of her hair brushed against his naked forearm.

“How about now?” 

Jim focused, and there it was, easy to pick up from the background hum of his own emotion. Uhura's curiosity was almost scientific in nature, though no less intense, and he realized that unlike the others, she was actually looking forward to sleeping with him. 

Jim made sure to keep his eyes wide open as she pressed her lips against his, 

The muscles in his back loosened at the brush of her tongue and if he melted any further, the cleaning crew would have to mop him up from the floor. This was better than any of his fantasies, and he tried to kiss her like the last four years hadn't happened and Uhura wasn't the one who got away. 

“Tell me what you're into,” he said breathlessly and moved down to nip on her neck.

Uhura had a smug look on her face as she evaded him. “I'm into anything that makes me come.”

Jim's primary brain went off-line for a second and his back-up brain would have saluted her if not for the pants that felt more constricting by the second. 

“Come on.” He took her hand and led her over to the bed, thinking all the while about those long, delicate, well-manicured fingers and how they would feel wrapped around his cock. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and arranged her in front of him with one hand on each of her hips. “There are so many options,” he said teasingly and pretended to wrack his brain. “I really have to think this over carefully.”

Uhura didn't roll her eyes. She was staring intensely down at him, lips slightly parted, and making no move to get away even as he started sliding the track pants down over her hips.

_Okay to go._

She had nothing fancy on underneath, just regulation underwear that protruded a bit where her pubic hair was thickest. Jim took careful hold of her hips and put his face where he'd wanted to put it since that night in the bar. 

Every pussy smelled different. Uhura's was high on the acidic end of the spectrum, the kind of taste that a sommelier would pair with Riesling or Chablis. The synthesized cotton was less pleasant, and he pushed it away to get to the good stuff. 

Her underwear ended up around her ankles and he glanced up to see her looking a little less composed than a few minutes ago. 

“I don't bite,” he said and she chuckled, but the chuckle died the second he put his tongue on her. Her labia majora were beginning to swell and he ran his tongue over them once before parting them and getting his first full taste of pussy. 

Her pleasure didn't grow steadily in his mind; it burst forth like a tsunami. There were moments when he couldn't tell if he was the one pleasuring or being pleasured, but he knew that she tasted strong and clean and feminine. When he began to suck on her clit he was briefly pushed out of his own body before remembering it again. His body was sitting on the bed in the guest quarters, nose-deep in spectacular pussy.

A spectacular woman's pussy. 

Eventually, he remembered to swallow what was in his mouth, and then he remembered the dick that was twitching in the pants he still hadn't taken off.

He hadn't come this easily since he was seventeen.

Above him, he heard Uhura's breath even and slow down, and then she pushed on his shoulders until he fell back on the bed. He blinked up at her, feeling a bit dazed. “Hi there.”

“I felt you come,” she whispered incredulously.

“Ditto,” Jim said with a laugh and used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth and nose. “Don't worry. Give me fifteen minutes, and I'm good to –“

She swiftly climbed on top of him and kissed him. It was less gentle but somehow a lot more tender than the last time. She was impressed, not with how he'd performed but with how much heart he'd put into it; like she hadn't expected that from him. He was a little hurt by the assumption, and she felt that, too.

“I really gave you a bad first impression, didn't I?” Jim remarked a little sadly when they were re-arranged horizontally on the bed, side to side. Short breathers were always nice, and in this case, necessary. “I _am_ sorry for that, but to be honest, you've been unfairly harsh on me in your mind all these years.”

“Oh, I know,” Uhura said calmly and traced his chest with her index finger. “That's why I kept it in my mind.” 

Jim swallowed. “Listen... I know we said we weren't going to talk about the past, but now that we're doing it...” He shifted his head a little to look at her, wondering if she could infer what he was thinking about just from his emotions. 

“It's not about Spock,” she said after a moment's pause. “You and I would not have worked out. If we'd met a few years later, maybe, when we'd both grown up a little...” She gave an elegant shrug. “Who knows.”

He didn't have to voice his surprise, because he knew she felt it. Her words spoke of a possibility, not in the future but in an alternate past. 

Just like there existed a universe where his father lived long enough to see him graduate, there might be a universe where he and Uhura ended up together, maybe even for a long time. Maybe for years. It was insane to think about, but the thought made him more happy than sad.

“There'll never be another woman like you, Nyota,” he said softly and ran the back of his hand over her cheek. “And I'm cool with that.”

A soft smile spread on her face and she looked at him with such immense fondness that he felt self-conscious. “I'm happy about it too.”

He kissed her softly, not quite lying on top of her but carrying his weight on his elbows. She was warm and pliant from her orgasm and spread her legs wide as he climbed in between them,

He rubbed her right hip with his thumb, over the stretch marks that decorated it. He hoped that Spock kissed them often. “This okay?” 

“Yeah, it's okay,” Uhura said quietly, not breaking eye contact as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her heels coming to rest against his ass. 

His cock was hard again, reliable as always, and he used one hand to guide it towards the damp curls of pubic hair and the heat that waited beyond them. 

“It's okay,” she said again, just as he finally put himself inside of her.

The sad thing was how perfectly they fit together. He fucked her with long, even thrusts, as steadily and as rhythmically as he could, being pulled as much as he was pushing, being fucked as much as he was fucking. Her pleasure washed over him in waves that carried him instead of pulling him under and gave him strength instead of taking it. 

He would always be Uhura's, but this one and only time, she was his as well. 

It seemed like it lasted for hours, and he couldn't tell how it ended, just that he could separate Uhura's pleasure from his own and that he still didn't know which he enjoyed more. Then, everything was warm and wet. Uncomfortably wet. That was probably his fault. 

He collapsed onto his knees and one arm, not crushing her, but still partially attached. Uhura squirmed out from under him and gave him a gentle push so that he landed on his back. He mourned the loss of her for a second, but then she was right there, pressing up against him and stroking his face. “It's okay,” she said softly in a voice that sounded more like she was singing than speaking.” I told you it's okay.” 

The first thing Jim became aware of was nausea. His mouth tasted bad and there was a churning unease in his stomach as if he had eaten food that had gone bad. 

Gradually, he became aware of the bed he was lying on. The bed he'd shared with Uhura, the covers they hadn't even bothered getting under.

There were voices. Uhura's voice, clear but full of urgency. 'He was fine', she was saying. 'He just seemed exhausted, so I let him sleep. What's wrong with him?'

A violent shudder ran through Jim's entire body. Oh yeah, he was freezing, too. 

“Jim.”

There was a hand on his forehead, a pinch on the inside of his elbow. Bones. 

Jim really wished he had the strength to open his eyes. He wondered if Uhura had put her clothes on and decided to pretend that she hadn't. It was more fun that way. 

'I'm taking him to Sickbay,' Bones was saying, but not to him because Bones liked speaking over him, the bastard. 'Call Security,' and then Jim was pinched again, this time on his neck.

He woke up from a dream of wandering through his childhood home looking for his mother. It was an unpleasant enough dream that he was actually relieved to wake up to harsh lights and the smell of disinfectants. He hated this place; how it smelled and looked, the way he was poked and prodded and that being here often meant something terrible had happened.

“Water,” he ground out, licking his lips. His throat was dry, his head pounding. What had landed him in Sickbay this time?

A hand was on his arm and a straw was pushed between his lips. Jim took a sip and then the memories flooded back to him. “Uhura!” he cried, lashing out and grabbing onto the arm he found. “Is Uhura okay? Is-?”

“Jesus, calm down! Lieutenant Uhura is just fine, you idiot.”

Jim opened his eyes and blinked a few times against the light until he could focus on Bones' face. His best friend looked worn down and tired like he'd been dragged out of bed. “Is she okay? Are you sure?”

Bones sighed and removed Jim's hand from his arm. “Uhura is fine, Jim. The poison is gone from her system and her brain scan was completely normal.”

Jim let his head fall back on the bed and tried to get his thoughts in order. “Where is she?”

“Resting in her quarters, hell, she's probably sleeping by now.” Bones cast a glance at the chronometer. “It's pretty damn late.” 

“Wait, what happened to me? Why didn't the same thing happen to her?” Jim tried to sit up but a firm push to his chest made him forget about it. 

“Exhaustion is what happened to you, Jim. Not physical exhaustion, mental,” Bones said angrily. “In case you forgot, humans aren't a telepathic species. We're not meant to be put through the psychic wringer like this, not several times in a row.” He ground his jaws together. “You'd think the Kogolians would have taken that into account.”

The Kogolians were idiots so it didn't surprise Jim that they hadn't thought of how their little “help” would affect him physically. Hell, they hadn't even known he had a penis! 

“You have to give it to them, though. So far their methods have worked. Scotty's lost his performance anxiety, Sulu respects me, Chekov...” He stopped himself just short of telling the truth. “Chekov added a thing or two to his repertoire, and Uhura's stopped pining over me. As much as I'm angry about my crew being poisoned; so far things are going great.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “I think we both know who was pining over whom in that scenario, Jim. And you need to take this seriously. You're still not done, remember? I'll talk to Spock about postponing for a few hours.”

Jim blinked. “Aren't we running out of time?” 

“Not that quick, we're not.” The darkness had returned to Bones' eyes and Jim didn't want to prod and poke at it. He closed his eyes and feigned sleep. It wasn't long until sleep took him for real, and this time he dreamt of nothing at all.


	6. The Open Road

Jim felt almost normal when he woke up and a snack and a shower pushed him all the way there. It was early in the morning, but Uhura was no doubt already at the labs, wanting to get a little work done before her staff came in. For the last two weeks, she had been spending half her time on the translator-project and the other half on the bridge. If she was anyone else, Jim might have been worried that she would be distracted, but she was the most organized out of all the department heads. With the exception of Spock, of course, but he had the advantage of only being half-human.

After a few moments of hesitation, Jim took out his comm and sent her a message on a private subspace channel.

_Good morning. I'm awake and okay. In case you didn't know. :-)_

The response came almost immediately. 

_Doctor McCoy already informed me, Captain. I am relieved._

The formal tone of the response made Jim's heart sink a little and he was about to respond in kind when the comm beeped again.

 _Thanks for satisfying my curiosity, Romeo. I had a great time last night._

There were no emojis in her response, but maybe she wasn't an emoji-kind of person. Or maybe Jim wasn't at emoji-level friendship with her yet. He took a deep breath and texted back.

_No problem. We're cool?_

_Are you a fourteen-year-old boy?” ___

__Jim typed 'eternally' in response, then deleted it before he could send it. The conversation he'd had with Uhura in his office weighed heavily on him. He'd meant it when he'd said he saw her as a friend, and he hoped that he would never give her reason to doubt it._ _

___Are we?_ _ _

__For a few seconds, he stared at his comm. It beeped again._ _

___You're a good friend, Jim. :-) And now, I have to work. Talk to you later._ _ _

__The weight in Jim's chest dissipated and he typed a quick response, wishing her luck on today's wrestling match with the algorithm, and when he put the comm away, he found himself grinning from ear to ear._ _

__Uhura would never be in his life as his lover, but she would be there as his friend. For him, that was more than enough._ _

__

__Jim didn't know exactly how far his rendezvous with Spock had been pushed back, so he sent his First Officer a message._ _

__Spock was probably on the bridge where Jim himself was to make an appearance, but the response he received surprised him._ _

___I am ready to see you when you are ready, Captain. I am in my quarters._ _ _

__That was odd. Jim checked the chronometer. Had he misunderstood Bones? He typed a reply._ _

___Bones didn't talk to you?_ _ _

__There were two loud beeps, the sounds that signaled an incoming call. Jim cursed silently and flipped open his communicator for what was bound to be a very awkward conversation._ _

__“Captain, are you all right?” Spock's tone was as even as always and there was no trace of concern in his voice._ _

__“Yes, Spock, I'm fine,” Jim began, uncertain on how to proceed. “Bones just... Did he not talk to you?”_ _

__“I have spoken to Doctor McCoy, Captain, but I do not believe it is necessary for us to postpone our session for the sake of your health. If you feel well, you can come by my quarters when you're ready.” There was a slight pause. “Do you feel well, Captain?”_ _

__If it was anyone other than Spock, Jim would be hesitant to go against Bones' advice, but Vulcans didn't lie. And even if they did, he trusted that Spock would never put his health in jeopardy. “Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be there in a bit, eh, in five minutes.”_ _

__

__Jim sent a comm message to Bones in the turbo lift and got a short affirmative reply that soothed any leftover misgivings he might have had. Whatever Spock had told Bones, it must have been a compelling argument to make Bones change his mind._ _

__

__When Jim stood in front of Spock's door he realized that he hadn't fixed himself up. This was his fifth time seducing a member of his crew, and subconsciously, he'd already gotten used to it. No need to put on a big show. He was relieved that he at least had showered and put on clean underwear._ _

__He rang the chime to Spock's door and as he waited for it to open he was surprised to find himself not nervous at all._ _

__“Welcome,” Spock said curtly and moved aside to let Jim enter._ _

__Jim had never been to Spock's quarters. Although some ships had the Captain and First Officer share a bathroom, Spock had requested the quarters closest to the Observation Deck, and Jim had allowed it. Of course, he had allowed it, he'd been told this was his future best friend!_ _

__The room that spread out in front of him was sparsely decorated but not impersonal. A large pane of painted glass separated the sleeping area from the rest of the room and there was a low table in front of what seemed to be a futon but was probably of Vulcan design. An oil lamp on the table cast a warm glow._ _

__Spock was dressed in a pair of loose-fitting dark pants and a wrap-around shirt that seemed to be made out of silk or silk-like material._ _

__“Please,” Spock held out out his hand towards the futon-like piece of furniture. “Sit down while I bring us refreshments. We have matters to discuss.”_ _

__Geez. That was enough to make a man nervous._ _

__Jim did as instructed and Spock soon returned with a carafe and two ceramic mugs. By the slightly bitter scent, Jim identified the contents of the carafe as Vulcan tea._ _

__Spock poured for Jim first and handed him the mug. “I have steeped the tea for a shorter duration than is customary. I hope you will find it agreeable. If not, I will provide you with sweeteners.”_ _

__Jim blew on his cup and waited for the hot brew to cool a little. “That's considerate of you.”_ _

__“I am growing increasingly accustomed to humans, Captain,” Spock responded matter-of-factly and poured himself a cup of tea._ _

__Jim took a sip and, yes, the tea was a bit on the bitter side, but not so much that he would need to sweeten it. Spock's concern was sweet enough. “What do you want to talk about, Spock?”_ _

__Spock finished drinking before putting his cup down. He was so economical with his movements that it seemed like he hardly ever moved at all._ _

__“I would like to begin by expressing my sincerest gratitude to you for saving Nyota's life. Leonard tells me that she will suffer no ill-effects from the poison.”_ _

__“I would save her from anything, Spock,” Jim admitted. _I'd save you from anything, too._. “That wasn't even a hard call.”_ _

__“And yet, I am grateful,” Spock continued. “Secondly, I have conferred with Leonard regarding the exhaustion these activities have caused you. I believe – and he agrees – that I can protect you from the strain by entering into a meld with you.”_ _

__Jim almost wondered if he had heard correctly. If you had asked him a thousand times, he would never have predicted that Spock would make that offer._ _

__He knew from experience that mind melds were intense and he could only imagine how intimate Vulcans considered them to be. Jim placed the cup on the table and rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on his uniform pants. “I'm not sure I want to do that, Spock. To be honest, mind melds freak me out a little.”_ _

__“Because of your experience with my counterpart?” Spock asked softly and Jim could only nod._ _

__“Of course, your consent is a pre-requisite. If you were to give it, I will proceed with the utmost caution. The meld you shared with my counterpart was done in an emergency and with haste. To use an analogy you would be familiar with; you were thrown into the deep end of the pool.”_ _

__“But you'd walk me down gently?”_ _

__It was Spock who nodded this time. “I'm confident that it would prevent you from being admitted to Sickbay again.”_ _

__Jim threw his hands up. “Well, in that case, I'm in!” He let out a deep sigh and said, a little less jokingly, “It's okay, Spock, I trust you. I don't exactly like it, but I trust you.”_ _

__Spock acknowledged Jim's declaration with a tiny nod. “Sit closer to me, Captain.”_ _

__“You shouldn't call me that,” Jim muttered under his breath while he complied. He was still nervous but resigned to have Spock in his brain _and_ his ass, even though one of those things was way more invasive than the other._ _

__“So, how are we doing this?” Jim had forgotten that Vulcans had a higher body temperature than humans and he felt warmed by Spock even though they weren't touching yet._ _

__“I have given the matter some thought, and I propose that you penetrate me, Captain.”_ _

__Jim blinked in surprise. “I mean, _this_. How do we do _this_? Should I try to empty my mind or something?” _ _

__Spock shook his head. “There is no action you have to take, Captain. I will know if you are uncomfortable.”_ _

__He raised both hands which looked kind of silly and placed them on Jim's face. The other Spock had only needed one hand, but he probably had decades of experience that this Spock lacked. That was an endearing thought; that Spock was still wet behind the ears. He always seemed like he had it together, that he was miles ahead of the rest of them..._ _

__Jim's internal monologue was so loud that it took him a second to realize that Spock was there._ _

__There, on the couch next to him, his fingers touching Jim's face, and _there_ in his mind, seeing everything with him and probably being able to hear every one of Jim's thoughts._ _

__“I didn't see you come in,” Jim said with his mouth. This wasn't anywhere near as bad as he had feared. It was nothing like the last time._ _

___You don't have to speak, Captain,_ Spock said, although Jim couldn't hear his voice. Come to think of it, he didn't hear the words either but he knew what they were and that they came from Spock._ _

__This is freaky, he thought. I expected to take you deep tonight, but not here._ _

___This is only a superficial meld, Captain. There is no need to go further._ _ _

__Stop calling me that. If this was a superficial meld, why did it feel like Spock was everywhere?_ _

___There, _Spock directed his attention to a part of Jim's mind that made him feel a little uneasy.__ _ _

____What – what am I looking at exactly? But Jim knew as soon as he'd asked the question. This was the part of him that attached, that pulled and clawed to make a connection and was probably responsible for half of the trouble he'd gotten himself in over the years. It tingled uncomfortably when Spock prodded it._ _ _ _

____Don't break anything! I don't want to be lobotomized, or something!_ _ _ _

_____I'm not breaking any part of you, Captain, I'm shielding it, temporarily._ _ _ _ _

____The discomfort passed and the tingling faded just as Spock's hands moved away. Jim found himself looking straight into a pair of solemn eyes._ _ _ _

____“Will you now cease to think of mind melds in terms of penetration?”_ _ _ _

____“What do you want me to call it?” Jim shrugged. “You were gentle, I'll give you that.”_ _ _ _

____Spock raised his hand to caress the back of Jim's wrist, an exceedingly personal gesture that Jim hadn't thought the Vulcan capable of. “It is a joining of minds. Was that not apparent to you?”_ _ _ _

____And yeah, now that Jim thought about it, he had felt Spock's mind as vividly as he'd felt his own; Spock's calm anticipation, his desire to help, and yes, his curiosity. It was not as strong as Uhura's had been, but it was still detectable. This was an altogether new experience for Spock and he was going to take note of it, commit it to memory, and analyze it for months to come._ _ _ _

____“Is that why you want me to fuck you?” Jim turned his wrist under Spock's fingers and hoped the caresses would continue. “Because you've never experienced it before?”_ _ _ _

____“You have correctly assumed my reasoning. I am willing to go an alternate route if you prefer it.”_ _ _ _

____Jim honestly didn't know if he'd rather fuck Spock or be fucked by him. If this was the start of an ongoing fling, he would have had plenty of time to experience both, but this was a one night stand. No second chance to get it right._ _ _ _

____“That's okay, Spock. We'll do it your way.” A bizarre thought crossed his mind and he chuckled. “Did Bones give you the talk?”_ _ _ _

____Oh, how he would have loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation!_ _ _ _

____“There was no need for Doctor McCoy to give me medical advice,” Spock answered curtly. “I informed him that I was perfectly capable of researching such matters on my own. He seemed relieved by my refusal which makes me suspect his offer was not genuine.”_ _ _ _

____“He was embarrassed, but felt it his duty to make the offer,” Jim said softly and cupped Spock's cheek with his hand. It was a bold move, but he had to get the ball rolling somehow. “He was embarrassed because he respects you, Spock. He considers you a friend, even though he'd die rather than admit it.”_ _ _ _

____Spock was quiet for a few moments as though he was inspecting Jim's words for possible flaws. “Your explanation is plausible. I myself hold the Doctor in high regard, even though his attitude often leaves me perplexed.”_ _ _ _

____“See? The two of you are basically besties already,” Jim said cheerfully but his mirth faded when he felt hesitation that wasn't his own. It was faint but discernible. Spock was way out of his comfort zone, and it would only get worse from here on out._ _ _ _

____Jim began to carefully move his thumb up and down Spock's cheek._ _ _ _

____“Can I kiss you?”_ _ _ _

____“You may,” Spock replied and Jim closed the distance between them._ _ _ _

____Spock's mouth was warm and tasted nothing as Jim had expected. He'd had his fair share of interspecies sex, but he'd never been with a Vulcan. Jim had thought that kissing one would either taste metallic or very spicy. Maybe it was the fact that Spock was half-human, but except for the slight bitterness from the tea, it was just like making out with any human cadet in one of the bars on Campus._ _ _ _

____Well, taste-wise, anyway._ _ _ _

____The feeling he'd caught a whiff of before curled around his mind like a wisp of smoke and he tried to think comforting thoughts. He sucked on Spock's tongue gently before pulling away enough to rest his forehead against Spock's._ _ _ _

____“If you tell me what's wrong, I might be able to help you.”_ _ _ _

____“Are you aware that our counterparts were lovers, Captain?” Spock said after a beat._ _ _ _

____“I assumed.” Jim decided not to chide Spock for calling him Captain. “What about it?”_ _ _ _

____“They were also the best of friends. It is a foregone conclusion that you and I will not be lovers, but we are not best friends, either.”_ _ _ _

____Even though Spock's tone was emotionless, Jim could feel the disappointment. He recognized it in himself, a feeling that the Universe had set a path for them without telling them in which direction they were supposed to go. He pulled back enough to look into Spock's eyes. They seemed deep enough to drown in._ _ _ _

____“I have the greatest respect for you, Captain,” Spock continued. “I am grateful for what you've done for me and my people. Having served with you for almost a year has done nothing but strengthen my respect for your command. However,” he added with emphasis. “We are not friends.”_ _ _ _

____“You feel performance anxiety,” Jim muttered and thought of Scotty. “We all do. But, Spock...” He pressed a chaste kiss to Spock's cheek. “You're a Vulcan, you don't believe in destiny, do you?” Half-worried that Spock would launch into a lecture on Quantum Physics, Jim continued quickly._ _ _ _

____“Our counterparts aren't scales to weigh us on. Our path is our own, and we already know our lives will be decidedly different than theirs. Isn't it logical to assume that our friendship will be different as well?”_ _ _ _

____“It is a conclusion I have already come to,” Spock said softly and Jim thought he could detect a note of sadness in his voice. Is this what Spock was like with Uhura? Did he sometimes let the mask slip when he was alone with her? “And yet, I cannot help but lament it.”_ _ _ _

____Aww, sweet Jesus._ _ _ _

____Jim grabbed Spock's face by his hands and kissed him._ _ _ _

_____You're perfect,_ he thought. _Don't ever change.__ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Spock's feelings didn't exactly well over him, but they were in reach, orderly and neat. The grief over his mother and his planet cut Jim when he poked it. Spock's love for Uhura made him weak in the knees. Spock's desire to prove himself made fondness well up inside him and Spock was embarrassed over that but resigned._ _ _ _

____Jim let Spock feel everything, too, how scared he'd been to lose his crew, how relieved he was at the chance to save them, his happiness over how well things had gone so far, and how much he enjoyed this moment._ _ _ _

____He kissed Spock until his tongue was tired and then he let Spock kiss him for a little bit longer._ _ _ _

____The palm of Spock's hand pressed against his crotch and he let his head fall on Spock's shoulder._ _ _ _

____“Your penis needs to be erect,” Spock said matter-of-factly, and the only reason Jim didn't laugh was that he was too busy catching his breath._ _ _ _

____“Believe me, it's getting there all on its own,” he said breathlessly. “I think it's time to get naked.”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Jim shed his clothes quickly so he could watch Spock undress. Spock revealed his dick before he revealed his chest, and well, Jim was not prepared._ _ _ _

____Spock was well endowed to the point where Jim would have felt a little nervous if he wasn't topping, but his cock was not fully green like Jim had imagined it to be. There was a green flush that Jim suspected would become more prominent as Spock got erect, but all-in-all it looked like a fully human penis. Ballsack, and everything._ _ _ _

____“You got lube? Lubricant?”_ _ _ _

____“Of course. I shall get it for you,” Spock answered, as calmly as if they were discussing something on the bridge._ _ _ _

____He retrieved a tube of Starfleet issued surgical lubricant, straight from Sickbay, and handed it over. “Which position should I assume?”_ _ _ _

____“Uh,” Jim tore his eyes away from Spock's giant, flaccid cock. Okay, it was not _giant_ , not as big as Sulu's, but it was easily in the top 20th percentile. “Stomach's easiest.” If he looked at Spock's cock any longer he was going to blow his load prematurely, and sure, he could get it up again in twenty minutes or so, but it would be embarrassing. “Spread your legs a little.” _ _ _ _

____Spock lay down on the bed, folding his arms under his head, and wow, his ass was only slightly less tantalizing than his cock._ _ _ _

____It was muscular and sort of flat, the way it tended to get when the person attached to it preferred running and benchpresses over squats and lunges, but that didn't make it any less sexy._ _ _ _

____Spock's back was impressive as well, as were his thighs and calves, lean muscle covered by pale, smooth skin, and Jesus, Jim was going to have to get on with it!_ _ _ _

____He climbed in between Spock's legs and flipped the cap of the tube open._ _ _ _

____“Ever play around down here? At the very least, I assume you've had a medical exam.”_ _ _ _

____He knew that Bones preferred a hands-on approach which was partly why Jim feared his physical evaluations so much._ _ _ _

____“There is no need for exams. I do not possess a prostate gland,” Spock said flatly._ _ _ _

____“What?” Jim hadn't even considered the possibility. He sat back on his heels and stared incredulously at the back of Spock's head. “You mean – you... Are you sure about this, Spock?”_ _ _ _

____“I am quite certain, Captain. Vulcan anatomy is fairly similar to human anatomy, but there are key differences. For instance, our cardio-vascular system –”_ _ _ _

____Jim slapped Spock's left butt cheek. It was automatic, he couldn't help it, but at least it wasn't very hard. A soft green flush appeared where he'd slapped. “Not that, Spock, me fucking you! Are you sure that's what you want?”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____That caused Spock to lift his head and look back at him. “Humans without a prostate can still enjoy anal penetration. And as I have already told you, it is the novelty of the experience that I am looking forward to.”_ _ _ _

____“If you say so,” Jim muttered and squirted an extra generous amount of lube into his hand. This would probably be an uphill climb. “This will be cold,” he warned._ _ _ _

____“You're not having any trouble hearing me, so I assume that's a turn of phrase,” Spock replied and lay his head down again. “You may proceed.”_ _ _ _

____“Wow, Spock, you really are a smooth talker,” Jim muttered as his fingers found Spock's hole. He pressed against it gently until the muscle relented. Sex was why he kept his fingernails short, even though his official reason was Starfleet's personal grooming requirements. Nothing would put you off to a bad start like accidentally nicking your partner somewhere delicate._ _ _ _

____Spock exhaled sharply and though he didn't quite tense up his whole body was suddenly a little bit more rigid than it had been a minute ago._ _ _ _

____“Told you it was cold,” Jim fought the urge to rub the small of Spock's back. He kept his tone deep and reassuring. “This will feel a whole lot better for you if you relax. Think you can do that for me?”_ _ _ _

____Spock didn't say anything, but a second later, his whole body seemed to melt and Jim could easily fit another finger. Usually, he'd go for gold at this point, but since there wasn't the usual equipment, he didn't know what that constituted. Instead, he closed his eyes and sought out Spock's emotion once more._ _ _ _

____They weren't exactly having a good time yet, but Spock was curious and Jim was excited, although he had a little performance anxiety. Just like with Scotty, this would be the first and probably last time Spock had a cock in him. First and last cock, and it was Jim's! That thought alone was enough to give him a boner._ _ _ _

____A couple of times, he'd been an alien's first human. Their exotic experiment, something to try once and never again. Jim had never let the slightly problematic aspect of that ruin the sex for him. Someone else might have been insulted by being treated like a curiosity, but no one could mistake Jim for having much dignity. At least not when he was younger._ _ _ _

____“I do not view you as a science experiment.”_ _ _ _

____“Huh?” Jim had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize Spock had spoken at first. “You can read my mind?”_ _ _ _

____This hadn't happened with any of the others. Feelings, yes, but not thoughts. Holy shit._ _ _ _

____“It is a side-effect of the meld,” Spock said calmly. “And no. I can only hear your surface thoughts. Reading your mind, as you put it, would require an active meld and a significant amount of effort.”_ _ _ _

____“That's a relief,” Jim said faintly, his mouth suddenly dry. “To be honest, this freaks me out. Don't take it personally.”_ _ _ _

____Spock turned his head to look at him again and Jim was struck by how kind he looked._ _ _ _

____Strong, stoic Spock, who never showed emotion and would bark out orders in the chaos of an emergency was looking at him fondly. With kindness and affection._ _ _ _

____“Do not apologize for having boundaries, Captain. It is healthy.”_ _ _ _

____Jim couldn't say anything to that. He was the one with his fingers in Spock's ass, who was about to put his cock there, and yet, he was the one who was spread open and laid bare._ _ _ _

____“Maybe you can help me with those,” he muttered and pulled his fingers free. “I never had the patience to teach myself meditation, or anything like that. I suppose I should, now that I've got my command.”_ _ _ _

____Spock turned over to lie on his back and studied Jim for a moment. “I will help you if you want to learn for your own sake. Not because you think it is required of you.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, now I'm gonna cry,” Jim said, only half-joking. “Right when we're supposed to make sweet, sweet love, too.” He felt naked sitting there, in a way that far transcended the lack of clothes._ _ _ _

____But Spock didn't pity him. His concern was genuine and non-judgmental, curling around Jim's mind like a string, not a rope to hang him with but a life-line he could tug if he needed to._ _ _ _

____“You're pretty perfect, you know that?” Jim whispered. “Perfect XO.” Perfect friend._ _ _ _

____Spock just held his arm out. “Come, Jim.”_ _ _ _

____Jim let himself be pulled into Spock's arms, let himself be held and kissed for what seemed like hours. Comfort and arousal blended together until Jim had to do a visual check to see if he had an erection._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Spock lay on his back, strong legs wrapped around Jim's waist, and pulling him so close that Jim didn't feel at all like he was the one who was doing the fucking._ _ _ _

____His cock was dripping by the time he was balls deep and the only thing that prevented a disaster was Spock's calm in his mind, reigning him in and keeping him steady._ _ _ _

____Sex with Spock was nothing like he'd expected._ _ _ _

____It wasn't a clash between fire and steel, a tug-of-war, or any of that stuff. It was casual and hot, and Jim didn't have to perform because he had nothing to live up to._ _ _ _

____This was them, the two of them, _this_ Jim and _this_ Spock, meeting each other where they were and not expecting anything else. Screw destiny. Screw it all to hell. _ _ _ _

____Jim felt Spock's mind as clearly as he felt his own, like two strands running the length of each other but never intertwining._ _ _ _

____Experience and first time. Curiosity and familiarity.  
He had done this thousands of times. Spock, not even once. _ _ _ _

____Spock had walked Jim down gently into the waters and now they were floating._ _ _ _

____There was no time or place, no future or past. Just two bodies on their way to orgasm and two minds chilling in the pool._ _ _ _

____Jim hadn't been this at ease in a long fucking time._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Spock's magnificent cock was in his hand and he worked it with steady strokes. There was an orgasm coming, but he didn't pay enough attention to know whose until his hand was coated in come and then he came too. It wasn't a gut-punch, it was being carried away by the stream._ _ _ _

____The next thing Jim knew, Spock was easing him out and down and laying down next to him._ _ _ _

____Spock, who hadn't made a noise when he came, was looking at Jim with a glint in his eye that made the warmth pool in Jim's stomach._ _ _ _

____“Are you all right, Jim?”_ _ _ _

____“You have to be asking me that?” Jim said sleepily and closed his eyes for just a second. This was his usual post-sex bonelessness, not exhaustion. He cracked one eye open. “Wait, you do.”_ _ _ _

____Spock nodded. “The emotional connection from the poisoning has been severed and the mind meld with it, just as I intended. From the way you are acting, I take it that my plan was successful.” He looked at Jim questioningly._ _ _ _

____Jim took inventory of how he felt. Loose, a little come-drunk, but perfectly normal. “Yeah, I feel fine. Whatever you did, it helped. I'm not gonna be numb in the brain now, or something?”_ _ _ _

____“As I already told you, I did not weaken any part of you.” Spock cupped his cheek, which was incredibly intimate but at the same time no big deal. “You will be fine. For this, I am glad.”_ _ _ _

____This was all so normal. Normal, human, post-sex behavior. Jim didn't know what he'd expected. That Spock would do some Vulcan ritual? Meditate? Drink another cup of that nasty tea?_ _ _ _

____“This was good sex, Spock. Fun, but not enough to make me fall in love with you.” Jim sighed. “I think it's official we'll never have that grand love story those other guys had.”_ _ _ _

____“I agree with your assessment.” Spock looked determined and shifted his head to kiss Jim on the cheek. It was dry and chaste, but full of affection nonetheless. “Although, the story of our friendship is only beginning.”_ _ _ _


	7. The Way Home

Bones was in a foul mood, even worse than usual. 

When Jim and Spock showed up, he didn't so much as give them a hello before shoving Spock onto the diagnostics bed and beginning to scan him.

“Everything all right in here?” Jim asked tentatively, glancing around Sickbay. He couldn't see any other patients, but who knows what might have transpired in the few hours he'd been gone.

“Everything's damn peachy,” Bones muttered in response and pulled the cover up to release Spock.

“Spock, you're fine. Your scan looks completely normal for a half-Vulcan.” 

“I'm fine, too,” Jim blurted out. “You didn't ask.”

“Since you walked in here on your own, I assumed. Your theory was right, Spock. Turns out there's a use for mumbo-jumbo even in our enlightened age.”

Spock nodded curtly. Normally, he would have said something snappy in return, but now that he knew that Bones respected him, he seemed to take the Doctor's admission as the compliment it was. “Doctor, I request permission to resume my duties.”

“You're free to go wherever your commander wants you to go.”

Spock's eyes turned to Jim. “I would like to relieve Lieutenant Rizal for the remainder of Alpha shift, Captain.” 

“That's fine,” Jim said faintly and glared at Bones. He needed a moment alone with Spock and he wondered when his friend would get the message. “Uhm, that's fine. Can you stick by for a moment?”

Bones looked from Jim to Spock to Jim again before heaving a sigh that seemed deeper than the Marianas trench. “I'll leave you to it.” 

As soon as he had disappeared into his office, Jim felt like he could breathe again. He'd been completely at ease until they'd come here, and he wasn't going to let the Doctor's bad mood ruin what he had accomplished with Spock. 

“Forget about him. He must have had a bad night's sleep or something.”

“I don't think that's possible, but I shall ignore him,” Spock replied calmly. He was not quite standing at attention, but almost, although the usual edge of his voice was missing. It was like a layer or two had been filed off from his composure, and Jim liked it. He liked it a lot.

“That was a joke!” he said in amazement. ”I don't think I've ever heard you tell a joke.” 

“Then you have not been paying attention.” Spock sounded almost smug, and if Jim was a lesser man, he'd have this conversation recorded just so that he could show the others that miracles sometimes happened. Then again, all of his crew knew that already.

“I really appreciate you helping me, Spock. It was awful to crash that way, and I'm glad I didn't have to go through it again. Thanks. For everything.” He held out his hand.

“It is I who should be grateful, Captain,” Spock said smoothly, without taking Jim's outstretched hand. “You have saved both Nyota's life and mine, and I am happy to have been of some assistance.”

Jim let his hand fall. It had been so natural to hug Sulu at this point, but Spock was not like the others. Displays of affection cost him greatly, and he had most likely exhausted his supply for the time being. 

“Well, if we're done thanking each other, I won't keep you from your duties, Commander.” Jim tried to sound cheerful.

“If you were sincere about learning meditation, I am willing to teach you,” Spock said suddenly and placed his hand on Jim's shoulder. It was a gesture of confidence, camaraderie, and perhaps, reassurance. 

Jim didn't want to burden his First Officer with additional duties, but he had to admit that meditation would probably help him. His mind often felt fractured and sometimes his thoughts would run circles around his head when he needed to sleep. But even more importantly, he was incredibly touched by Spock's offer. 

“If that won't be a problem, I'd appreciate it a lot.” 

Spock nodded and although there was no hint of a smile, Jim could read Spock's sincerity as easily as he could read text. “It will not be a problem but an honor.”

After washing up, Jim put on his uniform and went up to the bridge. There were more than six hours left of the deadline and he could spare a little time doing his actual job. His final rescue would be the easiest one, anyway, and he didn't need much preparation for it.

Chekov wasn't on duty, but Sulu and Uhura were, and they greeted him professionally, but warmly when he arrived. Afterward, the two of them exchanged a look, and Jim spent a warm, fuzzy minute fantasizing about Sulu and Uhura comparing notes.

The Enterprise was patrolling a small system where there had been recent sightings of Orion pirate ships. So far, everything was quiet, and Jim suspected that Spock had helped secure them this assignment to give Jim peace and quiet until the Alpha crew had been cured.

He glanced over at his First Officer and found Spock deeply immersed in his work, alternating between looking into his viewfinder and making notes on his PADD. There wasn't much of scientific interest out in these parts, but Spock was no doubt dutifully surveying the system anyway. 

Jim had spent the last few days feeling grateful for his crew, and he didn't doubt that he would have many opportunities for that in the future. 

After almost two hours without any action, Jim gave Sulu the conn and left the bridge with a nod in Spock's direction. He waited until he was in the turbo lift to send a message to Bones and when fifteen seconds had gone by without a reply, he called.

“I'm busy.” Bones' voice sounded brittle and faint like he was holding his comm at arm's length. 

“If there's not an emergency, the only thing you should be busy with is getting psyched up for some awesome sex,” Jim said with a chuckle, waiting and hoping for a snappy retort. The only thing he got was the click of the connection closing.

This was not good.

He asked the computer to locate Doctor McCoy and then he called his best friend again, ready to use his most stern Captainly voice. “Tell me where you are, Bones.”

“I told you I'm busy,” Bones said sharply. “I'm busy doing important things in my quarters and I don't need the company.” 

“The Computer agrees with you that you're in your quarters,” Jim said as lightly as he could, “I'm not going to barge in and find your comm badge lying on a table, am I?”

As Captain, his clearance overrode the crew members' personal codes, even those of the senior staff, and though there would be an official record of him using it, it would be worth it if Bones didn't let him in.

“No,” Bones said with a note of resignation in his voice.

The ride felt endless, but eventually, Jim stood outside his best friend's door. His worry had morphed into anger and back during the few minutes it had taken him to get here. None of the others had resisted his help, and he had no idea why Bones would.

He took a deep breath, braced himself, and rang the chime. He was going to ring it three times, and then he was breaking in, no matter how angry that made Bones. An angry Bones, he could deal with. A moping one? Not so much. 

To his surprise and relief, the doors opened almost immediately.

“Come on in, then,” Bones said with a sigh, looking closer to sixty than to forty. He stepped back to allow Jim to enter. “You obviously want to.” 

Jim had only been here a couple of times. Usually, they met in Sickbay, or the Rec room, or Jim's quarters. Most of the time they had a few drinks and talked, or rather, Jim talked, and Bones listened. As fun as those times were, Jim also missed what they'd had when they were roommates at the Academy. Delicious Southern breakfasts, pub crawls, lazy Sundays playing holo games. He had felt so stressed out at the Academy, but now that he was in command, all he could remember was the leisure. 

Bones' quarters were smaller than his own and decorated with paper books, a few diplomas, and a framed picture of Joanna. There was an impressive liquor cabinet, a nice mahogany desk, and a comfortable couch. On the couch lay two white pillows that had been taken from the bedroom. On the table lay a medical tricorder, and though those details were innocuous in and of themselves, Jim was instantly suspicious. Suspicious and terrified. 

“You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?” 

“I thought about it,” Bones admitted, looking a little embarrassed. “Taking my chances, so to speak. I still suspect that inducing a coma might protect my brain from some of the stress, but...” He sighed again as though he put the idea to rest. “No, Jim, I never seriously considered it. But it was a comforting thought. And...” he looked around the room before his eyes fell on Jim again. “I guess I wanted to postpone this for as long as I possibly could.” 

Those words were as hurtful as they were unexpected.

“You said you could handle anything I throw your way,” Jim protested weakly. He'd been nervous about some of the others, but he had incorrectly assumed that his best friend would be a walk in the park. For three years, they had been as close as two people could, sharing a single room and never being all that bothered about nudity. “Bones... What changed?”

Bones studied him silently for a few seconds. “You, kid. You're the one who changed.”

It almost felt like an accusation, but at least Bones wasn't actively resisting him. Jim honestly didn't know what he would have done if that was the case. Call Spock, and beg him to talk some sense into the stubborn CMO? Cry and plead?

Jim ran a hand over his eyes and tried to summon up his old self; the easy-going best friend who didn't have a care in the world and was happy to take any ride he was invited on. “We'll do this any way you want, Bones. Just tell me what you need.”

Bones studied him for a second and then he jerked his head in the direction of the door that led to his small bedroom; the one perk that came with being CMO.

The room was tiny; just big enough to fit a queen-sized bed and a bedside table, but there was a porthole on the wall, covered with thick, impenetrable drapes. 

Jim was about to make a joke about that when he realized he'd never been here. 

For almost a year, he had served with his best friend, and yet, he hadn't seen the inside of his bedroom.

“Take your clothes off and lay down on your stomach.” Bones had unceremoniously thrown the pillow at Jim and was now rummaging around in his bedside cabinet, not even looking at him as he barked out the order.

Jim had never ruled out the possibility that he and Bones would one day fuck, but now he actually felt a little awkward. He undressed quickly and lay himself down, turning his head on the pillow so that he could peer at Bones with one eye. 

“Straight to business, huh. You won't even kiss me first?”

Bones snorted and looked a little offended. “I'm going to give you a _massage_.”

Yes, Bones was holding a tube of surgical lube, but he was also holding a bottle that smelled wonderfully when he opened it. The scent was sweet and floral, nothing Jim associated with the practice of medicine.

There was a dip on the bed behind him and then Jim's best friend was straddling his thighs, a mere couple of inches from his naked ass.

Any second now, Jim would know what Bones was feeling, and he would take it from there. He had a full toolbox and years of practice to give someone what they wanted in the bedroom. 

Oil was poured over his back and the smell intensified until he recognized it as lavender. The cool wetness was soon chased away by the warmth of Bones' hands and Jim closed his eyes, waiting for it.

A strong yearning caught him by surprise and he was almost carried away with it. There was sadness weaved underneath; not the healthy kind, but the bitter, wallowing type of sadness you could see in old drunks in bars who couldn't shut up about the girl they'd once lost. 

“I've been wanting to do this for years,” Bones said softly as he dug the heel of his palm into a pressure point until Jim yelped.

The pain was a welcome distraction from the overwhelming emotion and Jim clung to it, using it as a leverage to pull himself to the surface. 

Suddenly, everything made sense. The constant arguments about his diet, about putting himself in danger, the way Bones manhandled him during medical treatments and side-eyed every chance he took to get his dick wet.

Was this what Chekov hadn't wanted to say? That Bones was in love with him, that he always had been and always would be?

Jim groaned softly and ground his forehead into the pillow. How could he not have known?

“Why didn't you say anything? You should have known I was up for it.”

Bones chuckled. “You've been up for anything and anyone for as long as I've known you, kid. Why on God's green earth would I want to torture myself like that?”

“I wouldn't have held it against you,” Jim said with a whine. “I would have been good to you.” 

Bones' hands worked their way down Jim's shoulders methodically and firmly, loosening every muscle in Jim's back until Jim felt like he would float away. 

“It would have been awkward for you and embarrassing for me, kid. Keeping it close to my chest was the right move, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if those damn aliens hadn't meddled.” 

Jim wanted to roll over, but it was impossible with Bones sitting on his legs, so he settled for peering over his shoulder. “And now?”

Bones' hands stilled on the small of Jim's back for a moment before they moved down to cup his asscheeks almost reverently.

“Now, I'm going to eat this ass, fuck it, and spend the next twenty years jerking off to the memory.”

Oh, fuck! 

Jim had to bite the inside of his cheek from whimpering. All the blood in his body seemed to rush to his cock and he instinctively thrust his ass up into Bones' warm hands.

That was the hottest thing he had ever heard someone say and he had spent the last couple of days in a come-hazy fever dream. 

“I take it you're on board with the idea?” Bones gave Jim's ass a few, hard squeezes, and then he moved down to massage Jim's thigh. 

The slight pain was probably the only thing that kept Jim from shooting his load right there and then. “Never agreed with you more, Bones,” he managed at last and closed his eyes.

Bones was... happy. Turned on like crazy and more than a little possessive. It was different from how Sulu had felt. Sulu was a naturally dominant person who enjoyed taking charge in the bedroom, but it hadn't been personal. Bones, on the other hand, he wanted to control Jim in particular. If it had been anyone else, those feelings would have given Jim the creeps, but Bones was safe. Jim had never felt anything _but_ safe with him, even during an argument. 

“Hey, why do you assume it's a lost cause?”

“You're telling me it isn't?” Bones mumbled and moved a little further down to give himself room to work on Jim's calves. 

Jim hadn't even considered it before, but that was mostly because he wasn't the relationship type. He loved Bones deeply and intimately, he knew that. And he'd always been up for having sex with him. Maybe it was as easy as putting two and two together? 

“I thought that was the recipe for a happy relationship. Best friends who have amazing sex together?” 

“In case you didn't notice, I'm the jealous type,” Bones said bitterly. “I'm not the kind of guy to share my watering hole.” 

“Don't objectify me,” Jim protested weakly and turned his head the other way on the pillow. Was he really so insatiable that it would be a problem? If he had Bones? His best friend in the whole world as his steady supply of booty? “If it was you, I wouldn't mind giving it up.”

He knew that Bones knew it was true before he'd even finished the sentence. The surprise and cautious hope filled Jim's mind until there was no room for anything else, not even arousal.

“Don't beat yourself up about not telling me sooner, 'cause I wouldn't have been ready,” Jim said sharply. Up until now, he hadn't been relationship material, but his year in command had changed him, and the last few days had well and truly satisfied his sexual curiosity. “I'm yours if you want it,” he begged softly. 

Bones was quiet for several seconds and then his hands returned to Jim's ass, kneading and parting his cheeks.

“All right, kid, you tell me that again after you've come and I'll take your word for it.”

Jim agreed and then all thoughts that weren't about sex fled his mind. He'd had his ass eaten many times, but never quite this enthusiastically.

Bones licked into his asshole like a starving man, spilling saliva down Jim's crack and moaning like he was eating something delicious. It was messy and obscene, and Jim's trapped cock was painfully hard underneath him. He poured all of his energy into not breaking Bones' nose with his ass and didn't have any left to fight the orgasm he felt coming. 

Jim came with a jerk of his hips and a muffled cry into the pillow. Bones slowed down his assault but didn't stop, licking Jim through the aftershocks until it was almost unbearable.

 _Almost_ unbearable, because the moment it became unbearable, he moved away and flicked his fingers once on Jim's hip. 

“Turn over, kid.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jim mumbled when he'd calmed down a little and managed to get his body working. He flopped himself over onto his back and watched Bones take his own clothes off. He knew his friend had a nice cock, but he'd never seen it hard before, and he was excited to finally get the chance to.

“I don't know what you're apologizing for, you're not doing the fucking tonight,” Bones sounded amused and took his underwear off like he was a stripper. “Besides, I like it when my dates come twice.” 

Jim glanced longingly at Bones' thick, pink cock and imagined a future where he'd get to do all sorts of things with it. It wasn't quite as big as Spock's, nowhere near as big as Sulu's, but it fit perfectly with the rest of Bones' body and for that reason it was perfect. 

“You really think you can keep up with me?” Jim said teasingly and spread his legs wide to make room for Bones to climb in between them. “If you don't let me fuck other people, you've got to keep me satisfied all by yourself.” 

“Trust me, I know,” Bones said with a chuckle and slathered so much lube on his cock that Jim was worried there wouldn't be any friction left. 

“You don't need lube,” he said with a whine, even though he could tell just by looking that he probably did. 

That earned him a slap on the thigh and then Bones was pushing his knees up. The head of his cock pressed against Jim's well-kissed hole and squeezed through with a pop. 

It was a strong, steady thrust and Jim was shaking with excitement by the time Bones finally bottomed out inside him. It would be hard giving up his sexual freedom, but it would be worth it. 

Bones stroked Jim's thigh fondly. “You have no idea how I love, kid. I'll suck your cock until you won't be able to get it up. I'll fuck you until your prostate is rubbed raw. I'll let you stick your cock in me whenever you want to, even in my sleep if I'm too tired to stay awake.”

Jim groaned and tried to reach up for a kiss, but Bones took that opportunity to roll his hips in a way that made Jim's prostate tingle. The overwhelming need to take care of wasn't his and he didn't know how to handle it. 

“You're scared of being loved like that, Jim,” Bones was saying, his voice calm but strained. “You didn't hesitate to offer up your body to save us. It comes naturally to you. You take care of everyone but you're not used to someone taking care of you. I'm the only one who has ever come close, but you've only had a little taste of it. Anything more than a little taste and it terrifies you.” 

“I don't like this,” Jim croaked out, even though he didn't have to. His discomfort was probably as clear in Bones' mind as Bones' concern was in his. 

“I know,” Bones said softly and managed to lean close enough to kiss Jim's mouth. “It's okay, kid. It's okay to let someone take care of you.” 

Jim had been in many life-threatening situations over the last year, but none of them had unnerved him as much as the one he was facing now.

“Fuck the Kogolians,” he spat out. “Fuck them all to hell, and fuck me too.” He pulled at Bones' shoulders with his hands, clawed at them with his fingernails until he felt guilty.

But Bones didn't mind, hadn't minded patching him up in the past or comforting him when he needed it. And he wouldn't mind doing so for the rest of his life if Jim were to fully accept it.

“It's okay, Jim,” he repeated, kissing Jim's face and fucking him to his second orgasm.”I like it.”

Jim knew the second the spell had broken. There was a sudden sense of emptiness like a program had been uninstalled in his brain; a program he hadn't known was there until it was gone. 

Bones pulled out of him and let his legs fall down on the bed. Jim must have winced, because he soon found himself lying on his side, his face pressed against Bones' hairy chest. He really needed to introduce his friend to the beauty of sonic hair removal. 

“This was way sadder than I'd expected,” he muttered. “But hot, so thanks for that.” 

Bones was stroking his hair, which was fucking condescending, but Jim didn't have the energy in him to argue, and besides, he kind of liked it. “I'm a train wreck, Bones. I don't know what the hell's wrong with you if that's what you're into.” 

“Lots of things are wrong with me,” Bones said with a sigh that Jim both heard and felt. “I wasn't lying to you before, Jim. I'm possessive and controlling, and I'll always put your well-being over my own.” His hand suddenly stilled on Jim's head. “Sometimes you won't like it.”

Jim almost said that Bones would never hurt him, but if he was honest, it wasn't being hurt that he was afraid of. 

“The conditioning won't resolve until both parties have a satisfying emotional exchange. Isn't that what you said, Bones? I might be a train-wreck, but there's obviously a part of me that's willing to go for it.” 

He closed his eyes and waited for the stroking to continue. 

He might be scared shitless, but he was going to let that part of him take the lead.


	8. Epilogue

Jim strolled through the mess hall with a cup of coffee. He'd already taken lunch in his office with Spock, but showing his face was a good way to boost morale.

He smiled and greeted everyone warmly, especially those who saluted him. 

Riley and Chekov were deep in conversation that seemed on the verge of becoming heated just when Jim passed by. Riley cleared his throat and gave Jim a sloppy salute, which made Chekov roll his eyes and shrug apologetically. 

From what Jim had heard, Chekov had become quite the regular in the Rec Room; playing games, hanging out, and, after a few drinks, showing off his dance moves. These days, he acted more like an eighteen-year-old than he'd done in months, to the great relief of everyone, but mostly Bones. 

Scotty and Lieutenant Romaine were sitting across from each other at a small table by the window. It was obviously a lunch date, but Scotty seemed to talk more than he ate, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was playing footsie with him. After three failed attempts, he had finally worked up the courage to ask her out, but that was mostly because Uhura had given him a stern talking to. 

Scotty and Romaine weren't the only crew members that had paired up in the last few months. Drake and Rizal, Öberg and Graham, Wilkes, Pitch, and Robbins.

With a few rotation changes and some serious but private conversations, it had all gone smoothly. Jim trusted that every member of his crew would be honest with him with regard to their interpersonal relationships. 

Spock and Uhura seemed to get closer every day, and Jim suspected it wouldn't be long before he was asked to officiate their wedding. He would treat it not as a duty, but as a great honor and pleasure. 

As he made his way back to the Bridge, not even having tasted his coffee, his thoughts wandered back to the incident that had been the catalyst for so many changes in their lives.

He was still angry with the Kogolians for jeopardizing his crew, but the pride he felt at how they'd handled it far outweighed his anger. The report Spock had ghost-written for him was a thing of beauty. Spock had managed to convey just how dangerous dealings with the Kogolians could be without including any titillating details. The response Jim had gotten from Starfleet was supportive, formal, and absolutely ridiculous. 

“Captain on the bridge,” Rizal's clear voice rang out as he stepped out of the turbo lift.

He nodded and took the center seat, placing his cup on the armrest. He'd get around to drinking it soon enough. “How are we doing with the flight plan for the asteroid belt, Mr. Sulu?”

“The standard course is already plotted, Sir. I'm still working on the short-cut.”

“Still working on? What do you mean you're still working on it?”

Sulu turned his chair around to face him. “I mean I'm still working on a short-cut that won't make us all seasick, Captain.”

“Never mind that, Lieutenant. We're assigned to a Starship, we should expect it to get bumpy from time to time. Can you pull off the maneuver?”

“It's going to be tight,” Sulu admitted before his face broke out into a grin. “But of course I can do it.”

“Then get on with it.” Jim took a sip of his coffee. He'd better finish it before things started flying around. He sighed a little wistfully as he looked at the pilot who was only going to be his for a few years longer. “I'd better make use of your skills while I still have you, Lieutenant.”

Sulu turned back to his station, grin still on his face.

“Captain, the new translator algorithm is online and ready for use,” Uhura said sweetly, looking as beautiful as ever. There was no twinge of regret when he looked at her, no wistful what-ifs or should-have-beens.

“Outstanding work, Lieutenant. You're reliable as always.”

“I know, Captain,” she gave him a nod and turned back to her console. “Oh, I almost forgot. Doctor McCoy left a message for you.” 

Oh right, Jim had better warn Bones about the upcoming turbulence or he'd have a very unhappy Doctor on his hands. He took another mouthful of coffee and picked up his PADD. 

Jim -  
If you lift anything heavier than a pencil today I'm going to declare you unfit for duty.  
The cracks in your ribs need at least another day to heal. 

Leonard

“Yes, Sir,” Jim muttered under his breath and drained the rest of his coffee.

“Uhura, open up a ship-wide link. I need to tell the crew we're in for a bumpy ride.”

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) When I returned to this fandom in 2018 after having been away for seven years, I immediately knew I wanted to write the ultimate kink meme fic; a smutty, character-driven, all-the-feels fuck-or-die. I have spent almost 18 months writing this fic and I hope I came close to my goal.
> 
> 2) One of the first stories I read upon my return was, coincidentally, another fuck-or-die, the amazing ”Wash Away the Rain”-series by warbrarian. I fell in love with her beautiful characterization of Jim as a flawed but deeply compassionate man who strives to be a good Captain and never hurts anyone with his sexuality. That series has influenced my view of Jim, and how I write him, more than anything else.
> 
> 3) Thank God for the WIP BB, without which this story still wouldn't be finished. Thanks to my friend Stephanie for the title, Alyson for the input on Sulu's chapter, Yasmina for the beta job and Kingstoken for the amazing art. You guys rock. 
> 
> 4) Jim and Bones' massage exchange is from an obscure 1980s film I watched over twenty years ago. Stephanie tells me it's so obscure I don't have to feel guilty about stealing it.


End file.
